Passing Ships in the Night

I was introduced to several people who had played a part in the  chaos in my life for 4  years. 

The first one was a worker who got a little too comfortable with her boss. Her boss had fallen ill and she decided that she should take up the role of "wife", although the wife was still very much in the picture 🖼️. This makes it really awkward interacting with her even with the language barrier. I would see her while I am working and just pass by her not a glance, nod or acknowledgement of her existence.  Forced to have to work somewhere else after the passing of her employer.  

There was another who was introduced in passing and it was only during the introduction I realised what was happening and it caused such a strange interaction. Like why would I want to be introduced to someone who is clearly disrespecting someone I love dearly!! I even found the introduction disrespectful to me. Almost like trying to make me complicite in this chaos. The whole thing made me so uncomfortable that if I am to see her today I wouldn't know who she is. She is literally a stranger as the one person who was our connection is gone to the beyond.

Then there was another who I didn't meet her formally but had seen her in passing. But to know that money that could have been saved to take care of other matters were being given to her is disappointing. How are families expected to deal with such betrayal? Bring disadvantaged while others benefit financially.  That interaction was so fleeting that I can't even say  that we actually met. 

Last but not least was one woman who was always on the periphery who, now that I am older, had done things that count across very suspicious 🤔🤨 Having interacted with her in many situations and having little to no confirmation of disrespect, if I see her and we lock eyes I will give a polite hello and move on. If we do not lock eyes I simply lock away and pass like a ship in the night. 

The one link to these people is gone and I have no reason to remember not one of them. However, passing this one person on a regular basis reminds me that just because you met someone means they deserve your attention.  It is ok to pass them straight.

MORTE

Death.

There are so many ways to describe death ☠️. But all in all it is when you, as a person, no longer exists. All your awards, failures, memories, life experiences, conditioning... ceases to be.

Funny thing is I am ok with that.

The life I lived and all the mistakes that have taken me to where I am is a fun journey. But also knowing that it all comes to an end actually makes me happy. 

I also believe in reincarnation (which is just for my peace of mind) cause then it means that I can enjoy this journey but at the end I get to do it over in a different era, place, race, status, just DIFFERENT.

My brother says he doesn't want anything to happen to us (immediate family) but I am actually at peace, if one morning I just no longer exist. 

I think I am thinking about this alot because I am getting older and also doing a job that increases my chances of death. Plus death happens when you least expect it. I have been feeling a lot of pain as I get older. Knee pain since 18, Back pain, Sciatic pain, random pain in boobs, headaches, teeth pain. It is CRAZY!

It all comes to the question of if you want to live on with this pain or embrace the nothing?  Then there is the topic of offspring (or the lack thereof). What happens to everything I own and what happens to the projects I am working on. 

I think 🤔 one of my biggest fears is being alive and not being able to live. 

But this is just the rambling of a black woman in Antigua (not Guatemala).

Be at peace and enjoy the journey, the tears, the laughter, the discomfort, the comfort, the pleasures and everything about life. Cause when it is over ... It is ... Over 

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Breakdown

Yesterday my day ended in a horrendous breakdown. 

I rarely reach the point where I am ugly crying due to a job but this time I broke. People see you and say "Oh it isn't that serious". But when you have 4-5 issues happening back to back it will break you. 

Between wrong orders, late orders, road work causing heavy traffic, and then having to change routes because of situations beyond your control. (Ordering food before a meeting or before going on a flight, when it says it will be there in an hour)

All these things just add to the stress, strain and annoyance, then when you mention it to anyone all they say is "you can just decline it" or "that is not your problem". What people don't understand is when in the customer's position you want your order ASAP and as the merchant your need to deal with the customers before Allmart drivers. 

At the end of the day I just said:

Then went home. 

So remember when you see someone breaking down sometimes all they need is a hug🫂 and for you to understand that it is a combination of many things that cause the break.

OXXO

Mayeshah!!

Employees

I have been going in and out of different establishments on the island and I am observing something that wasn't there 10-15 years ago.

The lack of intuition.

People right now only do enough to get the main tasks completed. Few people use their intuition to ensure that the systems run smoothly, the customer interactions are seamless and the work environment is safe and stress-free. Instead they wait for the manager/owner to tell them what to do, or they are looking at their phones during any kind of down time. 

It is almost like you need to tell employees this. Even when they start all eager and willing to learn they see how older staff operate and pick up those habits. I know this as well cause I had done it, too.

People need to know that the business is pretty much theirs as it is the owner. For them to have pride in, and trying to ensure the customer gets what they want and maybe even leave what they didn't know they wanted. 

There are so many grey areas, the staff are as dedicated as the owner needs them to be. Without strong leadership how would the staff know where they are going and why are they going that way. 

Just a lil mental musings when I saw this image. In a business it may not be in your job description but it is in your job expectations.

OXXO

Speechless

Have you ever felt like you are just going through the motions.  The world is swirling around you and you literally have nothing to say? Have nothing to feel? You are just ... Here.

That is how 2025 is feeling for me right now. It has been almost 3 months and I am slightly... slowly... kinda sorta feeling a bit of clarity. 

Kinda like I am getting my voice back. 

I still don't know what to say but I am having the urge to say something. It is soo confusing. I try to turn on my camera on my phone and talk into the ether... But then ... I am lost for what to say. (Is that proper grammar??🤔🤔🤔)

So what better thing to say than ... I don't know what to say. I am speechless.