Just to share

Tonite was a little eye opening. 3 things that had come to mind.

1. I love the smell of smoke in fabrics and so forth.

2. I am just confused on what i want.

3. I am socially inept.

1. I love the smell of smoke in fabrics because when I was younger some of the places that made me really happy (events that I would think about when creating a partonus if I was in HP) One of those places was a restaurant that my fam and I would go to. The passage to the restaurant had red suede on the walls. Inside of the restaurant itself had chinese lanterns and it had a smell of cigarette and/or cigar smoke in the fabric. Another place that smells alot like smoke was one of the hotels my mom would go to in NYC. The Stanford Hotel had this smell of cigarette and/or cigar smoke in the carpets and arm chairs. However at the hotel it wasnt as strong as it was in the restaurant. Now the sports bar I go to there were ppl smoking cigarettes and cigar and even Hooka brought me really good memories.

2. I dont know what I want. There was a guy at the same sports bar and I know I was sending out the flirtatious vibes but I kept it to a minimum and I thought what happen if he came over to me and started flirting with me and stuff. Then my instincts told me to play hard to get and even push him away. I still gotta figure out why.

3. Some friends and I went to a restaurant and I just felt so out of place. :( I didnt know what to talk about or anything and I just felt kinda like i was experiencing an out of body experience.

Well just wanted to share.

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Just a self reflection

So you dont have to read all of this if you dont wanna. It is just some things that just knocking around in my mind that I need to get out.
I have noticed that I havent spoken to some of my closest friends very often lately. I believe that because I havent been available or something they havent really noticed me missing. One of my girls is actually going away today and I dont even know where and for how long. :(

I always say that if this person was still here I would hang out with them more but knowing my personality I would be all contact, contact, contact and then hardly speak to you ever again. I dont wanna lose my friends but it makes me wonder if they already lost me and moved on. One of my friends who was once my neighbor she went away and now I miss her soo much but now I wonder if we would have gotten separated after awhile like me and everyone else.

I have been close to a few people in my life and they either move on with their lives or we drift apart and lose contact with each other. Then I see a group of people that I know I would enjoy hanging out with

(Not these ppl of course) But they have so much fun together and they have so much experiences to look back on and talk about and when ever they go out they stick together and make sure everyone is safe.

The only time I feel like that is when I am with my sister and my brother. They are the only friends that I have that havent eventually drifted away. (cause they related to me hahahahahah)

I think I do push people away after a while so after I push them away. :(

I know I do that with guys. Even if I am interested I keep a dozen yard sticks (aka 36 feet) between me and them emotionally. Now i am wondering why I am still single and then i noticed that it is because I am always pushing people away. Maybe I should give someone a chance to ... pamper me and keep me company.

I also noticed if I give anyone a chance if there is even one little thing that irritates me about them I will cut them off in my mind from any form of relationship potential. I am not saying that I have a checklist that I rate guys by but all I want is a guy I can talk to without ever feeling uncomfortable. Then I must be able to look at them on a regular basis and you must smell good (even when you sweat)

See that isnt bad. Then again my fears do control my actions. Ok I gonna finish rambling because this make no sense to me much less you guys who chose to read this.

I need a shrink. Is there anyone out there that could be my shrink for free??? send me a message!!!

Ok I am done for now :(

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Next week in time!

I cant wait till next week. Omg. I am gonna be doing a little bit of what I have wanted to do for the past 6 months. Hope I can do my best and impress so that they can fully incorporate me into that position.

A cool movie trailer to celebrate:

More In Time Videos

OXXO

Mayeshah

Cool Vids and even cooler songs!! (Load all then play them one after another!! Enjoy)

I want to experience this partying before I die!!


This is a feel good vid and song:


I think Katy was trying to hide the fact that Rebecca Blackocalypse's Friday song was soo bad by bringing this out and having her in it!!! Plus sooo many Cameos!!! I love it!!!


I have much respect and give props to Selena (not for Beiber but because of this)


Where was I when this came out??


just a feel good and inspirational song


How I felt this morning!!!


All I can say is I like!!


LOve


I cant hate kinda cool but has an undertune that was pissing me off. Made me feel like i was listening to 2 songs at the same time


FUCK YEA LMFAO




Just the name of this joint makes me have to share it!!


All I can say is hell yea


The song got my vote


It grows on you. I take that back - she grows on you/


Danceeeee!!!!


good vid!


hell yea!! rockin vid!!


i end with Britney because she does really good dance songs now. My hate for her has gone away!! Work it girl!!

The Finale (slight spoiler)

So, just now I saw the final movie for the Harry Potter Sequel. It is gut wrenching that all of them are finally done. Now, I have been following them from the very first book till the very last movie and now I feel that I have been through alot with the characters, Harry, Hermoine, and Ron. I have grown with them. I have watched them battle, love, and even fight amongst themselves. Now in the End. Everything. Is Done.

About the Movie, it was satisfactory (except for them changing how Snape died). It tied up all lose ends and kept you entertained from the beginning till the end. However, the only irritating thing was people going to watch HP7 without watching HP1,HP2,HP3,HP4,HP5,HP6 or even the HP7 part 1. SO every now and then you would here someone mention something that a true HP fan would know (like what is the sorting hat, and what is Avada Kadavra (aka the killing curse)). However, the good thing about the cinema I went to tonight is right in the middle of town. So some people would just go and watch the movie and be very loud and talking crap. So this one guy, obviously never saw any of the HP movies and was talking during the whole movie and making everyone laugh. Near the end of the movie he received a call and started talking just as loud saying "sweety, I am on my way home right now. I am alone right now." and so on and so forth. He was loud enough to be heard by the entire cinema but low enough that you can zone him out if you wanted to.

Well I will enjoy the rest of my night and be happy that I saw the finale of one of the best sequels of my time. (and no Twilight was not one of them.)

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Iyanla Vanzant

Not only is her messages inspiring and not dripping with religion or God this and Jesus that (I am not sure if she is religious). The first one I heard was basically something half of the world needs to listen to and understand.



Then some more that made me think about myself deeply. Enjoy!!!





















OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Depressed or just not interested

This summer I feel is going to be really bad for me because I am not interested in Anything. I wanna go out and so on but i not interesting in going. fml. I cant tell whether I am depressed or just not interested. I kinda wanna go back to the US so that I can get out of this island funk. Well I gone sleep while the rain passes over.

OXXO

Mayeshah

I love Pink

I have always had a weakness for P!nk's music but the main time that I fell in love with P!nk was in 2000 when she brought out her first album and she had a few rapping songs. Like these:

There You Go


You Make Me Sick


Then this was just oh sooo good!!! I think I would love to make this my anthem when it comes to some of those Nuccas out there.
Most Girls


In 2000 she was portraying sexy, tuff, and innocence. In one she looks soo adorbs and you just cant help but love her. Then the next one she looks all sexified and so on. Then in another she would look like she will kick your ass in the hood.

I find that some of her first songs remind me of stuff that Eve, Lil Kim, or En Vogue would bring out!!!

I always say that the 90s had some great ass music but so did the early 2000s.

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

I have always wondered why dont I live like those people in those movies. I watched "Letters to Juiliet" yesterday and I was wondering why dont I have life like that. Then I was thinking maybe it is because I am not in Italy or one of them European countries. But then I was talking to 2 of my friends from Turkey and they were telling me about their quest to happiness.

That is when it dawned on me that we on the Western hemisphere dont aim to be happy. We work work work and dont enjoy life. Italians eat and enjoy good company. French enjoy ........ themselves. ( I really dont know what the french enjoy). But everyone there aim for happiness however we hate everything and critisize everything.

Now I am watching Eat, Pray, Love and I just love love love what they are portraying. The quest for love, happiness and self understanding.

Even though the love and self understanding will take some time, most definitely going to aim for Grand Happiness.

Even if that means going to the beach everyday and eat what I want when I want and exercise just to make my body happy I will try it and see how happy I can get with such simple changes.

Body image

Today I decided I wanted to see what I really looked like. So I took off my clothes and was wearing only my underwear and looked at myself in the mirror. I have noticed that I kinda like my body. I have a small top compared to some ppl in the world.

I admit I wish I had bigger breasts

But then I probably wouldnt be good as a coca cola bottle.

Now I never really had a problem with my bum except the fact that instead of having the dimples above my bum it is smack dab on my bum. But it is unique, since I never noticed ppl have that! But I do have a bum to be proud of!

However for most of my life I have had a hatred towards my body and I am trying to break that. My thighs are huge and I never really fancied that however at a certain weight they look really good. My stomach basically varies, sometimes it is flat and sexy and other times they are on the bigger side.

SO I am on a quest to self love! I and still learning about myself on the inside and I need to stop believing that I would be happier as a petite slim chick.

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Female pick up line

I was going through a blog "A Girl Looking at Porn" and I came across this post and it is crazy the amount of times I have used this line:

“Oh my gosh, you look so familiar, do I know you from somewhere?”

My Favorite Lady Pick-Up Lines (001)

“Oh my gosh, you look so familiar, do I know you from somewhere?”

You slick ass bitch, you know you don’t know him. Unless familiar means fine as hell, you can’t recognize that face from a mugshot. I am a fan of this line, however. Although to a bitch like me it’s not very casual, I feel like a lot of guys enjoy this line, ‘cause it doesn’t feel like a line. It doesn’t take too many “lines” to get a guy’s attention, but if he looks at you and agrees you look familiar, he* might have caught on and he’s offering that sort of, “Yes, you can hit on me” approval. If he says no, but keeps talking to you, he’s an awesome guy, ‘cause he’s willing to be honest, even if it means killing your game, but now he’s looking for something else.

I completely encourage chicks to keep using this line, but have a follow up. Not like some, “Oh, sorry, ‘cause you look like someone from my school/church/this place/so-and-so’s friend,” but something slick, like, “Do you WANNA be familiar?” Aawww shit, ladies!

I will probably try this in the near future!!!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!