Saturday, July 30, 2011

Just a self reflection

So you dont have to read all of this if you dont wanna. It is just some things that just knocking around in my mind that I need to get out.
I have noticed that I havent spoken to some of my closest friends very often lately. I believe that because I havent been available or something they havent really noticed me missing. One of my girls is actually going away today and I dont even know where and for how long. :(

I always say that if this person was still here I would hang out with them more but knowing my personality I would be all contact, contact, contact and then hardly speak to you ever again. I dont wanna lose my friends but it makes me wonder if they already lost me and moved on. One of my friends who was once my neighbor she went away and now I miss her soo much but now I wonder if we would have gotten separated after awhile like me and everyone else.

I have been close to a few people in my life and they either move on with their lives or we drift apart and lose contact with each other. Then I see a group of people that I know I would enjoy hanging out with

(Not these ppl of course) But they have so much fun together and they have so much experiences to look back on and talk about and when ever they go out they stick together and make sure everyone is safe.

The only time I feel like that is when I am with my sister and my brother. They are the only friends that I have that havent eventually drifted away. (cause they related to me hahahahahah)

I think I do push people away after a while so after I push them away. :(
I know I do that with guys. Even if I am interested I keep a dozen yard sticks (aka 36 feet) between me and them emotionally. Now i am wondering why I am still single and then i noticed that it is because I am always pushing people away. Maybe I should give someone a chance to ... pamper me and keep me company.

I also noticed if I give anyone a chance if there is even one little thing that irritates me about them I will cut them off in my mind from any form of relationship potential. I am not saying that I have a checklist that I rate guys by but all I want is a guy I can talk to without ever feeling uncomfortable. Then I must be able to look at them on a regular basis and you must smell good (even when you sweat)

See that isnt bad. Then again my fears do control my actions. Ok I gonna finish rambling because this make no sense to me much less you guys who chose to read this.

I need a shrink. Is there anyone out there that could be my shrink for free??? send me a message!!!

Ok I am done for now :(


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