Sunday, December 24, 2017

Season's Greetings!!!

Merry Christmas Eve to one and all. 

It is another year of crazy which is slowly leading up to the finality of this dreadful year of 2017.

I am experiencing my first Christmas at this new resort and do not feel any way that I am going to have to work on both Christmas Day and Boxing Day. As I tell people when I came into the industry I expected it. I have worked at least 2 Christmases in my entire career and I am looking forward to it. 

Pictures will be shared as soon as they are taken. 

I am a bit excited as one of the guests which I have grown close to purchased a boat. Lol. Now reading that over it sounds like some. It ass purchase. They  bought a beautiful Model Boat named "the H.M.S. Victory"

Well. I hope you are having a great holiday season!!



Tuesday, December 12, 2017

The wait!

So I came into the bank at around 10 minutes to 12. The receptionist was doing something and I still had to write up my deposit slip. So I wrote up my slip and noticed that the receptionist has vanished.

It is now 10 past 12 and I believe that she has gone off to lunch. There are around 5 of us at the desk and all the other tellers are watching as it builds up. However, none of them even think to come and say she went to lunch or see if they can reduce the size.

So we wait.

Then the light in the darkness comes to our rescue and takes our documents so that we can leave.

The wait is finally over.



Friday, December 8, 2017

In Between - How i have felt growing up.

I was watching the below video by the Wong Fu Productions channel on YouTube and it resonated with me. I felt this growing up being an island girl and not feeling like I fit in because I didn't have a lot of the island experiences.

Check out the video, then I will explain a bit:

Hope it made you think as much as it make me. So whether you are one of the stereotypical version of your "label" (whether it be Antiguan, Jamaican, Dominican, Black American, White American, etc) or an "In between", this should have brought some kind of thoughts in how you interact with other people.

In Secondary School I was brought up in my mother's store and was surrounded by all types of people. Learning their cultural norms and morals. Also being the youngest of 3 and having a big 7 and 12 year gap between my siblings I have been exposed to alot more things. So when interacting with people I felt that I have been quite Americanized. People would tell me I am not from Antigua because I speak properly. People would say I dress different or a certain way but that is how I felt comfortable. People would see the kind of music I listened to and be thinking "What stupidness she listening to?" Bearing in mind that Rock (which include Alternative Rock Grunge/Punk Rock, and Heavy Metal) which surprisingly was my outlet for my confused coming of age mind.

So there were many times that I just never fit in. I remember one girl mentioning that if I was in America I would be a Goth and then mentioning that I am an Oreo (black on the outside and white on the inside). 

I figured the next course of action is to attend a University where I will be around the culture I have been compared to most, The Americans. You can kinda say that it is almost as if I studied the American Culture through TV and the few times I visited New York or Miami.

Yay!! I was accepted to attend the Johnson & Wales University. North enough to get away from most Caribbean people. This way I can florish in my learned environment. But you know how the Freshman blues go and although I met a few awesome White Americans, I never did fit in. Even worst for the Black Americans. So I hung with people who I felt comfortable with or who was around me.

But the bricks fell into place when I went on my study abroad to Leeds, England. During my orientation I met a few White American girls and even though they were nice to me and invited me out with them there was that disconnect. I figured it out when we were sitting down outside eating while on one of our Trips (either Dublin, York or Wales). They were sharing all these things that they experienced growing up and I had NO connection to any of it. No matter how much I watched TV or visited a few States occasionally, I would never get those experiences.

At that moment, I accepted that I was different. An "In Betweener" (well at the time I didn't have a term for it). 

Now being in the work world and still being quite different to many of the people I am around I don't feel this need to fit in. However, when people bring up that I am being fake, or white, or even exhibting American or British culture, it kind of hurts. But I just brush it off and move on because that is the type of person I am. 

On the other hand, if you are one who falls into the stereotype of whatever label or culture you are in, please understand the world is not black and white but a vast majority of different shades of grey. Do not judge people because they different. Do not keep pointing out what you define as weird because that is making the In Betweener feel very uncomfortable and self conscious.

Thank you for taking your time to read my rambling.  



Thursday, December 7, 2017

Does it feel cold? No it feels like Christmas.

For the past few weeks everyone asking me if I feel cold. Or saying the air has been quite chilly. I tell them "Hell no! This is the kind of weather I enjoy!!!"

The crisp air. The cool breeze. The lightness in the atmosphere. These all make me feel one thing! EXCITED!!

"Why Excited?" you ask. EXCITED because it is almost Christmas!!! Which means awesome Christmas movies, Christmas specials, Christmas music, Christmas cheer and just an overall awesome feeling!! How can you not enjoy this time of year!!

OKAY, okay... The past few years the Christmas feeling was not here but that was because it was still HOT!! Yes we in the Caribbean but shit that Crispy breeze makes me feel all cheerful and joyous!!

It's Christmas baby and nothing 2017 can do to take this great feeling away from me!!!



Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Mobile Blogging.

My blog has been quite dormant. The last post I did was all the way in May and I feel so sad about this. So I figured since my laptop is giving me so much issues to type I will find another way to share my thoughts.

So I downloaded the Blogger App. So far I am enjoying it. Maybe I will add some of my Instagram posts on here such as my 25 days to self love.

We will see how this works. Not gonna make any promises but I do see a promising revitalization of my blog now that I am back in a healthy mind frame.

An update of what I have been up to will soon come.



Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Blog? Blog? Oh yea I have a blog.

My gosh. It has been over a year since my last blog post. This is crazy. Well between the stress and the games and the youtube and the Netflix, it got swallowed up. Then between the hanging out and the beach it got thrown out.

I will not make any dedication post to say I am going to be posting everyday for the rest of the year. However I will say that I will make an effort to post a lil more frequently. I have encountered a few things over the past year and months that I would not mind sharing with the blogsphere.

So don't be a stranger and I wont either.



Saturday, January 16, 2016

Should I Believe In God?

This is a question which I have asked myself a few times in my life. It seems when going into this you should always explain your journey to how you reach where you are now. So here goes:

I am born and raised in the little island of Antigua to a Jamaican mother and an Antiguan father. Both of which were raised Christian. I can remember a few times we (my sister, brother and I) would be taken to church by my dad while my mom stayed home to cook. But that kinda came to an end when I was really young as I don't remember much of that. As I grow up and start going to school, gaining knowledge of the world around me and the people I will be interacting with I have been having mixed emotions on religion. I can remember this girl I met during the summer at the plaza my mom had her store and we were hanging out all the time. Then the September I saw she was attending the same primary school as me. You would probably think it would just result in me being even closer with her; but no. At that age I had my first example of don't mix certain friends ( but let me use that as another post ^_^) . So the person I met at the plaza in the summer was not the person I met at school. This girl was overly religious and quite .... (maybe not this but from what I remember) CONCEITED. She claimed that she was a Christian and then would be the same time be going around spreading rumours and tattling on friends of mine. She grew to be one of the most disliked persons in the class and was labelled "One Day Christian".

As time progressed I met other persons who were raised in the church and probably wondering why I wasn't. I was invited to a few services and church activities by friends, however they just seem quite boring to me. I started to learn about how the Caribbean persons were brought to the Caribbean but could not comprehend that it was also one of the reasons why Christianity is the number 1 religion in the Caribbean.

I then went to Antigua Girls' High School where I met more church goers and a few which were very VERY religious. As I am not one to rock the boat I never made anyone none the wiser until they asked me what church I go to and my response would be I am christened Pentecostal. After a while it got out that I was not a church goer nor a Christian and a few of my friends would try and convert me. Once again inviting me to church and youth meetings. I guess at that point my mind shifted a little more when I remember hearing about this one girl who had  the same name as a character in the bible and she had such a bad personality, just like the character in the bible. It just seemed like a breeding ground for rumours to be spread and so on and so forth.

I have had my few attempts to read the bible but never passed Genesis. I always walked with a testament as we were required to at assembly to have our testaments to recite a scripture. I stopped doing that after I went to State College. I have a few favourite Christian songs, but I can't say that I can identify with being a Christian. I have spoken to persons who has told me how religion has helped them. Both the church as a community and the faith.

As I got older conversations happen and you learn of instances where people from the church are almost as bad as people outside the church and in a few cases worst. I have a vague overview of the different organized religions. But now have settled on why should I follow any of these organized religions? Why be Baptiste over Catholic or Pentecostal over Adventist or even Episcopalian over Anglican. Why should I chose to be Christianity over Judaism, Islam, or Hinduism.  I could go deeper. I could share more about the experiences I have had but that would turn into a book.

So just like Anna in the video below I define myself as AGNOSTIC.  This is where I settle whether the Christians don't understand my choice to be Agnostic and the Atheist refer to me being a lazy Atheist. This is who I is!!!

Now check out this vid which inspired this post.



Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Welcome to 2016

I have been scarcer than black diamonds in the Caribbean in the year 2015. I have been saying soon I will be posting everyday and everynight. But everyday I end up frustrated and everynight I veg out in front of YouTube.

This year I make no promises but I will show lots of actions. I decided not to lie to myself for the new year of 2016. My resolution was the same as the past few years. Lose weight and become a happier person. But just saying it and then before 1/12th of the year is completed I already broke them both.

So I decided two things are what will happen this year. The first thing is I will smile more whether it is just a smile to hide my frustration or a full out laugh.

The second thing is I will be consistent. Yes there are days when you just can't do that one thing you have to do but when you give up is when you fail at it . SOOOO the goal is to never give up. A Youtuber that I am subscribed to has an acronym for this and live by it everyday.

It is a motto to live by to get far. If you have Faith in yourself and your abilities and in some cases a higher power that make you believe it will happen. Consistency is the defining factor as you can have faith in it but when hard times hit you give up all together. Hard Work is the underdog but without it Faith and Consistency is just a dream that has not been started.

As the year has started so far my friends allow me to laugh and my work allows me to smile to hide my frustrations. The consistency is all in my actions. As long as I keep moving forward that is all that matters.

With this new year I will prove my consistency on my blog and keep you up to date on what is going on in this crazy head of mine.

Gonna go and get some food in my system.



Pic Sources: Cheshire Cat and FCHW

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

[Official Video] BIGBANG - 뱅뱅뱅 (Bang Bang Bang) Dance Cover by YG Lovers...

One of the channel's I follow on YouTube had learned the dance to this and I had to check out the official video. This is quite boss. And the song was very catchy. I also love to watch people dancing cause it is something I used to do when I was younger.

Hope you enjoy it like I did!!!!



Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Drafted Revived - HHR Diaries - Certified Sick: Part 1

So I had this in my draft for quite a while and although I am no longer in HR will try and share some of my findings. Enjoy!

Ladies and Gentlemen, 

Please understand that dealing with staff is not easy. For the Head of Department (HoD) they have to do their scheduling and making sure that their department runs smooth. However illnesses do happen. In a department of 30 persons you may have 1 person sick for an entire week or 2 and a few persons who call in sick the day they are scheduled to work. All of these do put a tight strain on the HoD. 

As a business you never budget for when people call in sick. So when you receive that dreaded form called the "Certified Sick Form" you know that something is going to go down. In some cases you know what is going on with the staff whether it is surgery or contagious illness. In other cases you know you saw the staff skipping around one day and then the next day they send in the form like they suddenly caught the plague. 

Now it seems like the "Certified Sick Form" (CSF) has a lot of red tape when it is ready and lots of loopholes when convenient. My tip is to make friends with a person from the Social Security to assist you when you have any questions or concerns. I will call my girl Cris.

This CSF can be easily accessible to staff if they go for a "doctor's examination" and they advise the doctor that they are ill and don't believe that they are suitable to work. The doctor would fill out the CSF and get paid their consultants fee (normally EC$150) and get paid for this time that they do not have to work. 

A few loopholes I have encountered:

  • Staff are allowed to get 12 sick days in a year which fall under the CSF. This will allow the staff to get paid the full day's pay during their sick leave plus 60% from the Social Security. 
  • If staff are working days short weeks and send in a CSF they will be paid for the full 40 hour work week.
  • On the form it states that the CSF must be sent in within 21 days of the beginning of the sickness. This is just to encourage the Employers to send in the form as soon as possible.
  • For Temporary Staff they are not entitle regular 12 sick days unless they send in this CSF. 

A few red tapes I found quite safe for the employer:
  • Staff are allowed to get ONLY 12 sick days in a year. The CSF days come out of these 12 sick days. This results in after the 12 days are up, 40% will be paid by the company plus 60% from the Social Security. 
  • While on sick leave under the CSF the employee is not allowed to leave the country unless the doctor recommends that they person needs to travel for foreign consultations. A copy of the recommendation letter must be sent to the company.
  • The employee must be contributing to the Social Security Scheme for a minimum of 6 months before they are eligible to get their 60% from the Scheme.
  • If the employee was out on leave of absence (or just did not work) before the CSF was sent in they will not receive any benefits from the scheme. 

I hope this is not too much info on the joys of this special piece of paper. The CSF is an employer's worst dream (not nightmare because worst things can happen). I will explain a little bit more in Part 2 and a few of my experiences with the CSF.



Hospitality Human Resources Diaries - Introduction

Welcome one and all to the Hospitality Human Resources Diaries (aka HHR Diaries)

Working in the hospitality industry gives me such an interesting high that I just cant fathom leaving it behind. As well as the 4 year education and the hella huge ass loan I got reminding me why I am there. 

I enjoy making people feel happy, solving their issues, and just meeting new people and sharing experiences with them. I worked in the Food & Beverage Department for three (3) different properties, worked in Housekeeping and worked in Guest Services. These departments are some of the most Exciting departments because you always are on your toes making sure that the guest are satisfied.

I have also worked in Stores, Kitchen, Payroll and in the Executive Office. These may not have been quite direct with the guest satisfaction but it assist with making the property run smooth and efficient. I have trained a bit in the Front Office but it has never really peaked my interest to the highest due to them being .... uhh... special. 

I have been finally placed in the Human Resources Department and I have encountered some of the most interesting scenarios ever. Whether it is experiences with staff, experiences with management, or even experiences with persons not even working for the company. 

I wanna share some of the things I have experienced. I wont be stating any names, may change some departments to the best of my ability if they are quite obvious and hope to keep this as entertaining and educational as possible. 

Please note that the Human Resources Department is a highly confidential department and a lot of things cannot be shared. So just know that this is just the tip of the iceberg with regards to the experiences I encounter.

I cannot state the frequency of these entries but I will state that while things are still fresh and still urgent I may express my feelings and lessons on the matter.

So once again Welcome to HHR Diaries



Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Show a little skin sometimes.

I have noticed that once you show a little more skin than usual people start to notice. I am the type of person who enjoys wearing a shirt, whether it be Tee, Polo, or a nice blouse, and a pant such as jeans or slacks. But the moment I put on shorts or a skirt people go ape shit. 

Like Saturday I decided to put on a shorts, mainly because I had no other bottoms to wear. So I had on my shorts and reached my mom's store and everyone is like "Look at legs" or "She showing off some skin today" or "She legs clean* she should wear skirts more often". Then I had parked the car and had to walk quite a distance to get back to the store and I was intercepted by a guy who said to me "You came to town to tantalize the men? You are raising my blood pressure you know." And proceeded to try and get me to go to the beach with him. 

My parents saw me during the day and they asked me if I was not going to change before I go on doing my errand. My response it was hot and I was achy after a long three hour walk I did that morning. While doing my errands one guy who I have grown accustomed to seeing and interacting with on a Saturday starts commenting on my shorts and so on.

Ok, for those who don't know what I look like I am on the thicker side. I am bottom heavy but not too big.  I have big thighs and a decent sized backside to go along with my thighs. 

Then at work yesterday I fell into the same category where I didnt have any pants to wear so I wore the only skirt I have in my wardrobe. My work skirt and I had left my shoes that I normally wear with the skirt by my parents house. So I asked my sister to wear her slippers. Then people who don't remember ever seeing me wear a skirt commented on my wearing a skirt saying that I looking out. Then others commented on the fact that I wore an open toe slippers to work. 

I believe that because while growing up I have always been a bigger child and got lots of attention from the males I decided to cover up. So that meant no more skirts or dresses or shorts. But being a "grown woman" I sometimes do enjoy a few skirts, a nice sundress, and a nice booty hugging shorts. They are good for my self esteem and makes me feel all kinda happy.

I would encourage others to try and take a step back and try doing something that you are not used to. It can be quite fun and you might get some good stories or receive interesting comments about them.



Sunday, May 31, 2015

That feeling....Alone

I remember the feeling I had during my high school ball. It was a mixture of alot of things. 

I felt joy that I was finished with High School. Happy that there were no more examinations. Not having to deal with them teachers who a good number of them did not even believe in you. Extreme joy that I did not have to wear them Blue Rags (Blue AGHS uniform dress) again.

But then it was mixed with sadness. Some of my friends were preparing to migrate to study. Some migrated to live. Some started working and I rarely saw them. Sad that I didn't have any male friends that I would have been able to bring along to the ball. Sad that my friends were either in their groups enjoying their last night as Antigua Girls' High School students or with their dates. 

I remember I would see the girls looking gorgeous and taking pictures of each other and having people take group pictures of them and close friends. I had then gotten overwhelmed with the feeling of being ALONE. 

Even though I went to the ball with my best friend in high school I still felt soo alone. I even walked the halls of the building which allowed us to hold our Grand Affair there. One of my friends saw me wandering and asked if I was OK and I lied and in my heart I just felt alone. 

That feeling I have felt so many times afterwards. Feeling alone while being out with friends, feeling alone when in a group of people, even feeling alone when alone with another person. 

I don't want to feel alone. But they say you are born alone and will die alone. However when I am in a group why must I feel like this?

I hope that feeling goes away soon. Because it is not fun.

I know there are alot of people who are feeling all alone. So I guess we can say we are Alone Together. 



MUSIC 2015

So  I have been listening to the latest music on YouTube. I am quite impressed by some of them but others scare the crap out of me at how bad they are!!!

The good ones transport me into all kinda mind frames that make me feel so relaxed or just happy. I see a whole bunch of new artists and some older ones still throwing out awesome beats. 

Videos that distract you from the song itself and videos that enhances the song. Some videos that takes elements from movies both efficiently and otherwise (I am talking to you Taylor Swift) 

Songs with the names of famous persons of the past, like "Johnny Cash" and "(Titans X) James Dean"

And tons tons and tons of COLLABS!! 

I am happy for what is out in 2015 so far. 

Monday, May 11, 2015

Love Jones Kinda Love

So I just finished watching Love Jones and I just have that aching for that kinda love. It is that cool artistic kinda love. Where everything is about how you feel and not about what is going on or what anyone else thinks.

Then at the end they started playing the Sweetest Thing by Lauren Hill. It reminded me of the 90s where the music was simple and the emotion was soo real. The times when Janet Jackson was telling you it Doesn't Really Matter and Usher  was crooning some sweet melodies into your ears. Makes you really believe that love is out there.

I have always wanted the kinda love like what Musiq Soulchild and Jill Scott sang about.

Just that .... Love Jones kinda Love.



Thursday, March 19, 2015

25 Songs 25 Days Challenge:Day - 4 A Song That Calms You Down

So we have reached Day Number 4 - A song that calms me down.

Well I am a rock lover and I found that songs that are fun yet badass can get me singing and dancing a bit. When I had first heard my selection for this day I would listen to it on repeat. Just make me feel on top of the world even though it kinda means that on a regular basis I would get put down.

I know I am weird but I love this song and it does pic me up

I would put on my headphones and crank this up loud and just jam out to it!!!

Come back through tomorrow and check out what song I choose next. Share what song calms you down in the comments below.



Wednesday, March 18, 2015

25 Songs 25 Days Challenge: Day 3 - A song that reminds you of one/both of your parent

HEY there again!!! Please do not think that I have forgotten about my challenge even though I just started. NOOO I haven't!!! I swear!!! However, day 2  was just a lil difficult for me to pull out of my ass.
Looking at this list:

I noticed it is making me remember something I dont have. An Ex-boyfriend. Soo I couldnt pull that one out of my ass and just cant pick a guy friend to take that position in my life.


So i have chosen Fathers by John Mayer because it will always remind me of my father. A man does not know how he affects his daughters world. This song reminds me that my dad has played a huge role on the entire family dynamic whether he wanted to or not.

So all the guys out there remember this song and for everyone this is a deep some which does remind me of my father.

Come back through tomorrow and check out what song I choose next. Share what song reminds you of a parent/both parents in the comments below.



Monday, March 16, 2015

Viktoria Modesta - Step like a Lady!

So I came across this video on Facebook and wanted to share it but facebook was acting like a royal douche on my phone. So I forgot about it all together. I then went into town and was watching how one woman was walking and she had no poise or femininity to how she walked. I automatically remembered this video and how this woman, Viktoria Modesta, could be handicapped and doesnt allow that to stop her.

She walks with grace, poise and each step is measured. You can see the strength in her legs as she moves but she still shows a level of femininity.

Check out this video.

I then had to check out some more about her and she is freaking gorgeous. Her voice is crazy nice!! I would follow her and she most definitely is inspiring.

Check this vid out:

So my aim is to learn how to step like a lady! Might have to get some nice heels to practice in!!! I do have a tendency to walk like a man at a construction site and then walking moving my hips to a beat I alone can hear



25 Songs 25 Days Challenge: Day 1 - A song from your childhood

I am here going through all my blogs subscriptions (since I have done all my YouTube subscriptions already) and I come across this lil challenge.

I am not known to be the most consistent person around but this would be a great test. I will attempt to post a song every day right here and the reason I chose this song for each of the categories above. This would also get me back into the habit of blogging. Especially since I was told that although I have a blog I dont really post anything. So I am planning on changing this.

SOOOOO..... Day ONE (1) - A song from your childhood.

SOOO MUCH MUSIC FROM THE 80S AND 90S :'(   This one is hard because there are soo many good songs from my childhood that resonates with me. However this came to mind.

My siblings, my mom and I were in Rochester NY by my mother's childhood friend and this song was playing and this is probably the day I fell madly in love with R&B. We were lying down in one of the bedrooms and watching MTV (when they used to show music videos) and this song came on. THE FUGEES - KILLINGS ME SOFTLY just the camaraderie and fun these people were having made me feel happy. This came out in 1996 when i was 8 going 9 and it is still one of my fav songs especially when she vocalizes.

Let me know what song from your childhood lets your extra happy bugs start to jump. Check back tomorrow for my next song.



Saturday, March 14, 2015

Failure vs. Success

I was doing some work yesterday when a co-worker approached me and requested my signature on a document. I, of course, jokingly asked "Oh you want my autograph?" .... or at least that is how I remember it went. (Damn Short Term Memory). So I began signing and there was an area asking what is your position? Next to it had Accountant/Vote Counter/ (something else that I could care less about). I asked her what am I she advised me that I was a Vote Counter (seriously my brain really is bad cause vote counter looks weird. But it had the word Vote in it). I asked her what that was and her response someone who is able to give information about a staff member. I asked her why not an accountant? I do accounting work. She told me that an accountant is someone who has gone through and gotten certified in Accounting. 

MIND BLOWING .... but...I guess you wondering why I mentioned that whole spiel up there. Just so you know the background of how this came up. 

I told her I dont have any degrees in Accounting but I have my Bachelors in Hotel Management. The question that has dumbfounded me ever time escaped her lips. "WHY ARE YOU HERE?? WHY NOT BE AN ASSISTANT MANAGER SOMEWHERE ELSE??"

My heart kinda crushed a bit and my excuse for the past ... let me think... four years is I want experience. 

I then came across this blog post HERE and it is more of a home hitter for the real reason why I dont aim for the gold. I do have lots of fears but these are the biggest.

I noticed that some of the qualities that I think would be necessary for any kind of management position is to have a backbone, which I feel like I have not developed. The ability to say no and not have people believe that I am joking. So the fear of becoming management and then failing at my duties is heart wrenching. 

"What if I succeed?" The lil conscience voice in my brain whispers. "What if my skills are what would make me an awesome manager?" 

I am not so much afraid of success but it is still an unknown factor. Maybe I should aim for bigger and see it all as a school project. I have been dealing with a job which is a task for 2 persons but I am kinda  (ok not soo much) managing it. 

I must say this post has made me think while writing it. Thanks for sitting through my mental squabble online. 



Sunday, January 25, 2015

Pompeii lyrics- Bastille

This song. Just this song. I have been struggling with some life matters, mostly work, and this song speaks to me on so many levels. Gives me optimism that there will be a great light at the end of the tunnel of darkness I am wading through! Enjoy!



Sunday, January 18, 2015


What the hell is this thing called feelings?

I have been struggling with this thing for the longest time (well for the new year). WikiPedia defines Feelings as 'the inner body experience.. The word was first used in the English language to describe the physical sensation of touch through either experience or perception. The word is also used to describe experiences other than the physical sensation of touch, such as "a feeling of warmth" and of sentience in general.

While Merriam-Webster  defines it as these:
(1) :  the one of the basic physical senses of which the skin contains the chief end organs and of which the sensations of touch and temperature are characteristic : touch (2) :  a sensation experienced through this sense
b :  generalized bodily consciousness or sensation
c :  appreciative or responsive awareness or recognition
a :  an emotional state or reaction feeling
 toward the boy>
b plural :  susceptibility to impression :  sensitivity feeling
a :  the undifferentiated background of one's awareness considered apart from any identifiable sensation, perception, or thought
b :  the overall quality of one's awareness
c :  conscious recognition :  sense
a :  often unreasoned opinion or belief :  sentiment
b :  presentiment
:  capacity to respond emotionally especially with the higher emotions
:  the character ascribed to something :  atmosphere
a :  the quality of a work of art that conveys the emotion of the artist
b :  sympathetic aesthetic response

Monday, January 12, 2015

2015 - 12 Days In.

2015. What is it about you that I just dont like. Could it be the fact that I dont see much use for you? Or the fact that you end in an odd number that I usually would like? Could it be that you mean we are coming to an end to the 20teen decade? Shoot it might even be the fact that in the next 2 years I will be ..... (dum dum dum).... 30.

But so far I am not impressed with you. You gave me false hopes on New Years Day. Nice and relaxing and then we cleaned up our awesome home. (We being my sister and I).

I entered the year sick as a dog and with a rotten toothache (that I still need to get checked out). Plus to top it off on the second day into the year Mary came with her gift. (Bitch = Mary) SO one part of Mary's gift is hormonal imbalance. I am very sensitive to everything and cry easily.

This is not a good trait to have when working in the hotel industry (especially in positions like Human Resources and Payroll). So other than all my physical ailments I had to deal with the fun and joy of stress from work. I truly wonder why we torture ourselves like this? Why not do what we want and make the money we deserve?

So, me being hormonal and VERY SENSITIVE I grew to hate work even more. (Yes even more because I am hating it already) The stress, the Murphy's Law, the people, the entire work in General. Which has driven me to this:

I have a high tolerance so this doesnt really do much to me but relax my spirit. But I am soo unhappy and gaining weight, not eating properly, not sleeping properly and hating work.

I am even being given way more work than I can handle. It is difficult.


2015, you have 353 more days to shape up. So shape up and step up!!!



Sunday, January 4, 2015

Why I do not write!

Write a poem. Write a story. Write something.

I hear some of my people (yes my people) tell me on a few occasions.

Are you a poet? You look like the type who could be a poet.

I am a socialite (no i cant say socialite, more like a social being). I have a few reasons for not writing and can not narrow it down to one thing. I have tried writing I have done a few stories and a few poems. But those were for courses or out of being in severe emotional distress.

I remember when I was still in primary school I wrote a story (feeling all proud of myself and accomplished). I handed it over to my mom and my sister to read and they laughed. That would have been a good thing if it was a funny story, but it was an action/suspense. I felt crushed of course and they explained to me why they were laughing (my spelling of some words and they impossible scenarios which my little brain had concocted through the use of television and my little young brain). So I had not wrote another story again until my fourth form in secondary School.

I wrote another story which was another action/suspense, which due to my past experience I expected to be another failed attempt. However, when I handed it in I got an A. Who would have thought my teacher liked my story. That did not change the fact that I still believed I was not good at writing.

I did a story for my CXC (final exams to graduate from secondary school) and I would not be surprised was the main reason why I got my highest grade (a 1 but not with distinction). I felt confident about my writing when I had to but to leisurely write I did not feel that I was able to do it.

When I was in state college I was required to write a poem about a topic of my choice. I did a poem on Marijuana (which I do not use) and I loved it. It was a pro-Marijuana/Hemp poem which I felt really accomplished for and even my mom wanted a copy of it. However, life went on and I never wrote again until University when I was suffering from Home Sickness. I wrote a story and had a friend (more like close acquaintance) read it and he said it was soo predictable. At that point I just said you know what I rather not write.

I have written a few poems since then but nothing that I felt proud of or anything. Right now I have difficulties putting words together to express what I want to say. Even when I talk the words seem to not be able to form. My ability to use beautiful & colourful language, grammar structuring and even vocabulary usage is weak to me.

I was part of a Public Speaking organization (Antigua ToastMasters) and my hardest part was formulating my speeches.

So I have decided to not bother with writing. I do not get much joy out of it like others may. I rather hear other ppl read their poems and read other people's stories. I may not be able to proof read and edit efficiently but I enjoy reading works from other persons. Plus my sister puts out enough works to cover both of us.



Thursday, October 30, 2014

Rant of the day - Cheap but Over Privileged

So today at work buzz got out about a TripAdvisor Review which was made on Sunday. This review was soo bad that if you were a random customer perusing tripadvisor you would never want to come to the resort. This person commented about the Reception, the bar, the food, the grounds, the trolley, the room (which was free) the staff, the housekeeping, almost everything she could get her fingertips to recall from her "Horrible" time at the resort.

I begin my rant by stating everyone is allowed to have their own opinions but the forum and the conditions are all to be taken into consideration. This person was acting like an Over Privileged child and was not even here on a full day, or weekend, or even week just a special rated day pass

The person was celebrating a friend's birthday on a day pass under a special that the company has on a yearly basis around the slow season. Paying less that half the normal rate for a day pass. Plus got the room comped. Then the first thing you gonna do is start bitching about the place like you are the most worldly person around. Stating that you enjoy going out and enjoying what your country has to offer. If that is true you had to have gone to at least 5 other hotels and resorts which have situations with birds and flies. Yes, you want to enjoy your meal without having any disruptions but for an open air restaurant you cant really stop it!

NO we do not have persons who work with us who has abscess on their necks. An Abscess is filled with PUSS and the one person who I assume you are referring to just has a lump on her neck which is her medical situation. Are you saying that because she has a medical condition that does not affect her ability to be a great Bartender she must not be working because she offends you?? Yes we do hire a few persons with Tattoos and for your information A Bartender, Bar Porter, or Bar Back with Tattoos is not really uncommon. It is the person's body and they felt like tattooing it. If you tell me he was rude or fresh with you I can understand, that is something we will not allow but you cant judge a person just because of what he decides to do with his body. That person is one of the most hard working and friendly staff we have so keep fronting.


Oh you hear some of the waitresses gossiping in the corner? Are they gossiping about you?? No? Then mind ya damn business. They are in the corner away from you and do not need you all up in their business, GOD DAMN!!! Plus our room attendants do have alot of work to do and do get tired during the day after having to transport their supplies but they know what they got themselves into when they got the job and started doing it. So let them sit in peace without your judgment. No we do not promote slavery that is why we pay them.

I admit a few of your other points were true and we will address them immediately. We thank you for drawing them to our attention. But for someone who spent only EC$100.00 per person and got a room for free you bitching alot about stuff that not even the guest who are staying on property are complaining about.

I, therefore, ask you to take a seat and wheel and come again with a better attitude when you decide to post things on social media because just because you took it down dont mean it hasn't left a scathing bad impression of you in our minds.  As they say the innocent will suffer for the guilty and if that comes to pass I hope you can chip in the extra 170 to allow persons to have some relaxation on their stay-cation.

END OF RANT!! People dont know when and where to deal with matters. Just got my blood boiling and heart pumping with anger.



Sunday, October 5, 2014

Ginger Snaps

So my sister and I were watching ..... dum dum dum.... Ginger Snaps.

It was one of the movies I downloaded from Youtube (obviously on Youtube because it was bad). Weeks prior I tried to watch the movie and I was like ....

But then my sister started watching it yesterday while doing our hair. I was wondering what the fuck have I gotten us into?

So I looked up the movie synopsis and it states on IMDB:
Two death-obsessed sisters, outcasts in their suburban neighborhood, must deal with the tragic consequences when one of them is bitten by a deadly werewolf.

So this was a horror movie that made me shout and scream at the screen. I loved how the movie moved on but the end was soo disappointing. I want to encourage you to watch it but enjoy the ride even though the journey was not all that!



Mini Two Strand Twists

So I am on my journey of being Team Natural. Unfortunately my only hair styles are twists, and afros.

I must say I enjoy it. I used to say I would never cut my hair but I have cut my hair and gone natural. So this is my most recent hair style - Mini Two Strands Twists :

So my hair is getting longer slowly but surely.

Will keep you updated with my progress.



Sunday, September 21, 2014

|55| Crochet Braids with Marley Hair

So in between work, the public speaking organization I am part of, and trying (yes i did say trying) to be a social butterfly, I have been attempting to be a Natural Haired Diva (ok not really Diva but you know what I mean.

So I came across this style and found it very interesting and it seems easy to do.

So I will attempt it and have pics of the finished product.



Saturday, June 14, 2014

Antigua General Elections 2014

So two days ago there was the Antigua & Barbuda General Elections (ABGE). There was mostly a choice between 2 parties: United Progressive Party (UPP) and the Antigua & Barbuda Labour Party (ABLP). There were other smaller independent parties but I do believe they were there for Kicks and Giggles (well not really).

So as soon as the polls closed and all that could vote had voted, the counting had begun. As the night wore on the numbers began rolling in. Some members of the UPP were ahead of the ABLP and vice versa however in the end it turned out that ABLP had won. ABLP pulled through with 14 seats and UPP with 3 seats.

Now I will say congratulations for the ABLP. You have bombarded us with as much billboards as the highways in the entire USA just to make sure to stay current and let us stay aware that it is time for a change. Yes, 2014 is the year of change so far, so I was not too surprised that they won. I must say congratulations again.

However my only pet peeve with this entire thing is how people are reacting. People are going on like the have won the Cold War or something. They also have a very child like spirit to their party having won over the other. Calling on radio stations saying "Tek dat in ya neh nen!" Some people are saying that the supporters of the UPP are sore losers but if they have supporters of the new government being so rude and childish of course they will react a certain way.

I am just ready for this entire thing to blow over and see if they truly deserve their spot as the Government of the state of Antigua & Barbuda. I will now wait for Carnival to commence in its full and vibrant way.

Congratulations to ABLP once again and I hope you do your supporters and our nation proud.



All pictures were taken from Google... please dont sue me.

Friday, May 2, 2014


So I was talking with a friend of mine and trying to get her into my frame of mind in regards to my social life. Giving her scenarios of what may have triggered the reactions that I give off today. It didn't work because as she says everyone goes through something like that. I kinda wanted to scream and start crying because I just want someone to understand. But of course I just gave up and ended that attempt. My thinking however is always a negative and highly cautious process. I would like someone and then dismiss my feelings saying the person is most definitely taken or not attracted to me. I would feel good about myself and gesture or comment from someone could through my mind in a whirlwind of negative thought which will make me feel worthless and ugly. Sometimes no one has to do anything I would just feel worthless and ugly. These feelings used to be kept at bay by my being always in the social company of others. But then now that I am by myself most of the time my thoughts are just driving me mad. Shoot I used to have suicidal thought when I was younger and they are coming back with a vengeance.

I know there is a psychological explanation for how I feel and what I am experiencing now but how I see it is I am kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. Where my mind giving off the negative and cautious thoughts and what I can and actually do. I want to do so much things but the words that I say or the thoughts that I have are just toxins and viruses destroying everything in it's path. Socially I feel stuck, career-wise I feel stuck, family I feel stuck. And I am now always by myself just to think which is making me crazy. I would want to invite people into my space but fear of rejection or a possible negative reaction causes me to keep to myself.

So I guess I have placed myself in a lose-lose situation. I needed to let these thoughts out and I know very few people, if anyone at all, will read this. So this is just a strange thought process that goes through my head.

A friend of mine had told me of this Anime called XXXHolic and one of the episodes mentioned how words and thought have power. Only when you stop saying those harmful words or stop making other person's harmful words affect you will you be free and enjoy life. So hopefully one day these thought will slip away and I will feel a bit better.

I had also spoken to a coworker and we also discussed that just like how you can zone out certain things, the ability to not take words and thought personally  and take the power away from them.



Sunday, April 27, 2014

Can I do that? No, I can't!!

So my sister and I were talking and we were talking about the situation that the lack of a car is making things quite difficult for us. There is also a situation with the person who was supposed to fix the said car and he is not proving himself worthy.

My sister then stated that she read somewhere that Aquarians dont like people saying they can do something and in the end they prove that they cannot. If they are unable to do something just say that they can't. Instantly my mind started racing because .... I am one of those people.

I am ashamed of it but I have bean told always try. I have also been delegated tasks that I know that I cant do but just to take the weight off of other people I have not turned it down. I am presently in that situation and I know I should just address the people and apologize but I am so nervous of the reaction. I know I will have to face them eventually but I am not ready yet.

So I am the type of person that my sister does not like. But I know I was not like this at birth and was conditioned to be this way from something. How am I gonna handle this?? I noticed after this move there are lots of things about me that my sister does not like in people but I try to change just to make life easier. OK when I say lots I mean a few that my brain does not want to conjure up because it is weird like that.

I know they say people should accept you for who you are but when you don't know who you are you have a tendency to try and be what other people want you to be. That is one of the reasons why I chose to work in the industry I am in but now I realize that I need to be a solid well found person.So now I am even more lost.

If there was only a reset button.

Well there isn't so oh well.



Saturday, April 26, 2014

Dirty Deeds (2005) full movie

Alright so this is the second movie for the ... morning? day? yea you know what I mean. I tend to suffer from Insomnia when I dont feel I get the chance to do what I wanna do.

So I am a sucker for American High School Movies. This was just a great icing on top of the cake kinda movie. It reminded me of Slum Dog Millionaire where just the randomist things happen at the right time.

Because I am bias and it is my blog and me watching movies I will give this movie a 9/10. It would have been a full 10/10 if there werent so much scenes where I was worried and had to look away.



The Figure

So I do not see myself as a poet but something came to me a few days ago and I didnt want to let it pass me by.

As morning sounds of birds rise me from deep slumber
I look to my side and see a figure which is not common to my everyday scenery
As recognition flickers into my foggy awareness
I smile remembering last night
Watching the motion of this figure mesmerizes me 
For a minute feel like I am in a dream
Feeling the rise and fall of its chest like the ocean
Then its eyes open and sees me watching
Such a gentle creature it  is
Gentle and peaceful
Learning everything about me
Awareness is present in its eyes 
I wonder what it is thinking about
No words need to be said this morning 
All the words were said last night
It turns its back towards me 
I watch the sight of its back 
I close my eyes 
Replaying the entire evening in my mind
Getting to know each other better
I open my eyes and this figure was gone.
My dreams are becoming way to vivid now.
This figure was almost real.

I have to say I have made some alterations (no not some, ALOT) but This is what I shall settle with.




Sunday, April 20, 2014

Moved out and more responsibility at work.

I have finally moved out of my childhood home and I am loving it!!!!

Not that I didn't enjoy the perks of living in the family home and all, the free food, free transport, free internet, free laundry/cleaning services. I just needed the free-dom. That is one thing I felt was lacking. So now that I have moved in with my big sis everything is at peace.

Well it was until our transport decided to go on the fritz this long holiday weekend. WHHHHYYY!!!!!?????

So now we have to wait on my father to pick us up and drop us where ever!!!

If I knew this was liable to happen I would have invested in a "CAR MAN". You know the kind of man that all teenage girls want. I heard almost all the girls in my high school raving about this "Car Man" not understanding the big deal about it. But now that I want to go places and have my freedom I can't; and I don't even have a "Car Man".

But such is life. In time I will own my own vehicle and not depend on anyone for all this shit.

I have also been quite busy at work. I am now working as a Human Resources Assistant/ Payroll Clerk. When I tell them that they say, "you making all the money now".

But hopefully soon.

Well I will soon have pics of my place and will share it with the world. MUHAHAHAH and then start planning my house warming party which will come with some more pictures :D

Well I gonna finish chilling online and then head on home since tomorrow will be an internet free zone. Maybe I should top up my phone some more. hmmm.

Oh well.