Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Clarity for myself

OK I have been wondering whether to put this!!! But I am not doing this for yall to read or judge or what ever you do when you come her!!! During this whole thing I have this in my mind but I know that it is not for you so whether you are the 20% or the 80% I could careless!! This is to put the crazy jumble in my mind out into a "strategic" manner (I dunno if I even used the word strategic correctly)

But yea!

I have been informed of some of my actions and I have noticed that it is something that I have been doing since I was a wee lil girl!!! When I have close friend I have a tendency to alienate myself from them. :(
Why you might ask. I am not sure but I am assuming it is because of my situation where I would forget large chunks of my life and dont know what I used to do even though I used to do it everyday religiously. I knew something was weird when I was best friends with a gal name Marissia. We were besties soo much that we had started a club dedicated to Saved by the Bell!!! Then there was a situation where someone was doing something stupid at a program that was being held outside and we stopped being besties! But that program was at the end of the year school year so I never had to communicate with her much after that!
Another person I remember is Nena! We were pretty close! She was quiet but we were still very good friends. Would sit next to each other on field trips and all kinda stuff. But then I dunno what happened but we drifted apart! I think she found new friends or something.
Then there was Just! We used to go over by each other cook all kinda crap!!! We were omelette queens. However at the end of primary (elementary) school we drifted apart. In high school I came across a ton of ppl that I called close friends.
In first form I tried T but Witz got her and I would chill with the tall gals and alot of ppl! Then In second form DJ came and we were wicked close. but then she left me and went to Canada and then came back and the first disappearance had put some distance between us and then she went away to NY and we dont talk much now.
In 3rd form N and Aggie became some of my life supports! We even started a crew called PMS lol but lets not get into that. But then in forth form we were kinda split up.
Somewhere along the way I got really close to CNB we would chill out every where my fam going I would invite her. We would go all kinda places!!But then when we went to the hill she was in a different section from me so we started to drift and then Witz got in the seen again so I backed off some more and got close to WC and DM. We were the 3 musketteers on the real!!!

Now after all of this CNB and N are still my bffs and Gr is an addition but I believe that like every other time I am just going with what I have experienced, it is a new chapter of my life and my mind is a blank slate again and I am beginning to drift away. But they dont want that and I think they are some of the best friends I have ever had!! So I will have to fight this drifting and work on these friendships.

Ok another thing is I am afraid of guys! I am. I dunno why but I am.SCARED SHITLESS!! I have noticed that just after graduation how serious it is. I have no idea what has caused it but I seriously need to get over this :(



P.S. I got distracted so  I kinda rushed the end! I really dont know why I am afraid of guys!
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