This song. Just this song. I have been struggling with some life matters, mostly work, and this song speaks to me on so many levels. Gives me optimism that there will be a great light at the end of the tunnel of darkness I am wading through! Enjoy!
OXXO
Mayeshah!!!
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
FEELINGS
What the hell is this thing called feelings?
I have been struggling with this thing for the longest time (well for the new year). WikiPedia defines Feelings as 'the inner body experience.. The word was first used in the English language to describe the physical sensation of touch through either experience or perception. The word is also used to describe experiences other than the physical sensation of touch, such as "a feeling of warmth" and of sentience in general.'
While Merriam-Webster defines it as these:
toward the boy>
b plural : susceptibility to impression : sensitivity feeling s>
I have been struggling with this thing for the longest time (well for the new year). WikiPedia defines Feelings as 'the inner body experience.. The word was first used in the English language to describe the physical sensation of touch through either experience or perception. The word is also used to describe experiences other than the physical sensation of touch, such as "a feeling of warmth" and of sentience in general.'
While Merriam-Webster defines it as these:
a (1) : the one of the basic physical senses of which the skin contains the chief end organs and of which the sensations of touch and temperature are characteristic : touch (2) : a sensation experienced through this sense
b : generalized bodily consciousness or sensation
c : appreciative or responsive awareness or recognition
2
a : an emotional state or reaction feeling
3
a : the undifferentiated background of one's awareness considered apart from any identifiable sensation, perception, or thought
b : the overall quality of one's awareness
c : conscious recognition : sense
4
a : often unreasoned opinion or belief : sentiment
b : presentiment
5
: capacity to respond emotionally especially with the higher emotions
6
: the character ascribed to something : atmosphere
7
a : the quality of a work of art that conveys the emotion of the artist
b : sympathetic aesthetic response
I believe 2, 3, and 5 is what has me losing my sanity. I have been having feelings which give me pains in my chest and pains in my head. Work feelings, social feelings, just feelings of inadequacy, feelings of jealousy, and even feelings of pure unadulterated HATRED. These feelings are just what driving me crazy.
What should I do? Drink? No my tolerance is too high for drinking. Use coffee? Nahh dont wanna get hooked again. Cut myself? Ok that is just an extreme. But what should I do?
Luckily I got a lil work out ;) which has helped release some of them feelings. Then some seriously good info from a friend which just got rid of more of them pesky feelings!
But a new week is starting. Will the feelings come back? Will I have difficulties controlling them feelings? Should I work out more?? We will see as the year progresses.
Will keep you posted on my feelings dilemma as time goes on.
OXXO
Mayeshah
Monday, January 12, 2015
2015 - 12 Days In.
2015. What is it about you that I just dont like. Could it be the fact that I dont see much use for you? Or the fact that you end in an odd number that I usually would like? Could it be that you mean we are coming to an end to the 20teen decade? Shoot it might even be the fact that in the next 2 years I will be ..... (dum dum dum).... 30.
But so far I am not impressed with you. You gave me false hopes on New Years Day. Nice and relaxing and then we cleaned up our awesome home. (We being my sister and I).
I entered the year sick as a dog and with a rotten toothache (that I still need to get checked out). Plus to top it off on the second day into the year Mary came with her gift. (Bitch = Mary) SO one part of Mary's gift is hormonal imbalance. I am very sensitive to everything and cry easily.
This is not a good trait to have when working in the hotel industry (especially in positions like Human Resources and Payroll). So other than all my physical ailments I had to deal with the fun and joy of stress from work. I truly wonder why we torture ourselves like this? Why not do what we want and make the money we deserve?
So, me being hormonal and VERY SENSITIVE I grew to hate work even more. (Yes even more because I am hating it already) The stress, the Murphy's Law, the people, the entire work in General. Which has driven me to this:
I have a high tolerance so this doesnt really do much to me but relax my spirit. But I am soo unhappy and gaining weight, not eating properly, not sleeping properly and hating work.
I am even being given way more work than I can handle. It is difficult.
SHIT I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN LAID FOR THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2015, you have 353 more days to shape up. So shape up and step up!!!
OXXO
Mayeshah!!!!
But so far I am not impressed with you. You gave me false hopes on New Years Day. Nice and relaxing and then we cleaned up our awesome home. (We being my sister and I).
I entered the year sick as a dog and with a rotten toothache (that I still need to get checked out). Plus to top it off on the second day into the year Mary came with her gift. (Bitch = Mary) SO one part of Mary's gift is hormonal imbalance. I am very sensitive to everything and cry easily.
This is not a good trait to have when working in the hotel industry (especially in positions like Human Resources and Payroll). So other than all my physical ailments I had to deal with the fun and joy of stress from work. I truly wonder why we torture ourselves like this? Why not do what we want and make the money we deserve?
So, me being hormonal and VERY SENSITIVE I grew to hate work even more. (Yes even more because I am hating it already) The stress, the Murphy's Law, the people, the entire work in General. Which has driven me to this:
I have a high tolerance so this doesnt really do much to me but relax my spirit. But I am soo unhappy and gaining weight, not eating properly, not sleeping properly and hating work.
I am even being given way more work than I can handle. It is difficult.
SHIT I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN LAID FOR THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2015, you have 353 more days to shape up. So shape up and step up!!!
OXXO
Mayeshah!!!!
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Why I do not write!
Write a poem. Write a story. Write something.
I hear some of my people (yes my people) tell me on a few occasions.
Are you a poet? You look like the type who could be a poet.
I am a socialite (no i cant say socialite, more like a social being). I have a few reasons for not writing and can not narrow it down to one thing. I have tried writing I have done a few stories and a few poems. But those were for courses or out of being in severe emotional distress.
I remember when I was still in primary school I wrote a story (feeling all proud of myself and accomplished). I handed it over to my mom and my sister to read and they laughed. That would have been a good thing if it was a funny story, but it was an action/suspense. I felt crushed of course and they explained to me why they were laughing (my spelling of some words and they impossible scenarios which my little brain had concocted through the use of television and my little young brain). So I had not wrote another story again until my fourth form in secondary School.
I wrote another story which was another action/suspense, which due to my past experience I expected to be another failed attempt. However, when I handed it in I got an A. Who would have thought my teacher liked my story. That did not change the fact that I still believed I was not good at writing.
I did a story for my CXC (final exams to graduate from secondary school) and I would not be surprised was the main reason why I got my highest grade (a 1 but not with distinction). I felt confident about my writing when I had to but to leisurely write I did not feel that I was able to do it.
When I was in state college I was required to write a poem about a topic of my choice. I did a poem on Marijuana (which I do not use) and I loved it. It was a pro-Marijuana/Hemp poem which I felt really accomplished for and even my mom wanted a copy of it. However, life went on and I never wrote again until University when I was suffering from Home Sickness. I wrote a story and had a friend (more like close acquaintance) read it and he said it was soo predictable. At that point I just said you know what I rather not write.
I have written a few poems since then but nothing that I felt proud of or anything. Right now I have difficulties putting words together to express what I want to say. Even when I talk the words seem to not be able to form. My ability to use beautiful & colourful language, grammar structuring and even vocabulary usage is weak to me.
I was part of a Public Speaking organization (Antigua ToastMasters) and my hardest part was formulating my speeches.
So I have decided to not bother with writing. I do not get much joy out of it like others may. I rather hear other ppl read their poems and read other people's stories. I may not be able to proof read and edit efficiently but I enjoy reading works from other persons. Plus my sister puts out enough works to cover both of us.
OXXO
Mayeshah!!!
I hear some of my people (yes my people) tell me on a few occasions.
Are you a poet? You look like the type who could be a poet.
I am a socialite (no i cant say socialite, more like a social being). I have a few reasons for not writing and can not narrow it down to one thing. I have tried writing I have done a few stories and a few poems. But those were for courses or out of being in severe emotional distress.
I remember when I was still in primary school I wrote a story (feeling all proud of myself and accomplished). I handed it over to my mom and my sister to read and they laughed. That would have been a good thing if it was a funny story, but it was an action/suspense. I felt crushed of course and they explained to me why they were laughing (my spelling of some words and they impossible scenarios which my little brain had concocted through the use of television and my little young brain). So I had not wrote another story again until my fourth form in secondary School.
I wrote another story which was another action/suspense, which due to my past experience I expected to be another failed attempt. However, when I handed it in I got an A. Who would have thought my teacher liked my story. That did not change the fact that I still believed I was not good at writing.
I did a story for my CXC (final exams to graduate from secondary school) and I would not be surprised was the main reason why I got my highest grade (a 1 but not with distinction). I felt confident about my writing when I had to but to leisurely write I did not feel that I was able to do it.
When I was in state college I was required to write a poem about a topic of my choice. I did a poem on Marijuana (which I do not use) and I loved it. It was a pro-Marijuana/Hemp poem which I felt really accomplished for and even my mom wanted a copy of it. However, life went on and I never wrote again until University when I was suffering from Home Sickness. I wrote a story and had a friend (more like close acquaintance) read it and he said it was soo predictable. At that point I just said you know what I rather not write.
I have written a few poems since then but nothing that I felt proud of or anything. Right now I have difficulties putting words together to express what I want to say. Even when I talk the words seem to not be able to form. My ability to use beautiful & colourful language, grammar structuring and even vocabulary usage is weak to me.
I was part of a Public Speaking organization (Antigua ToastMasters) and my hardest part was formulating my speeches.
So I have decided to not bother with writing. I do not get much joy out of it like others may. I rather hear other ppl read their poems and read other people's stories. I may not be able to proof read and edit efficiently but I enjoy reading works from other persons. Plus my sister puts out enough works to cover both of us.
OXXO
Mayeshah!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)