Why I do not write!

Write a poem. Write a story. Write something.

I hear some of my people (yes my people) tell me on a few occasions.

Are you a poet? You look like the type who could be a poet.

I am a socialite (no i cant say socialite, more like a social being). I have a few reasons for not writing and can not narrow it down to one thing. I have tried writing I have done a few stories and a few poems. But those were for courses or out of being in severe emotional distress.

I remember when I was still in primary school I wrote a story (feeling all proud of myself and accomplished). I handed it over to my mom and my sister to read and they laughed. That would have been a good thing if it was a funny story, but it was an action/suspense. I felt crushed of course and they explained to me why they were laughing (my spelling of some words and they impossible scenarios which my little brain had concocted through the use of television and my little young brain). So I had not wrote another story again until my fourth form in secondary School.

I wrote another story which was another action/suspense, which due to my past experience I expected to be another failed attempt. However, when I handed it in I got an A. Who would have thought my teacher liked my story. That did not change the fact that I still believed I was not good at writing.

I did a story for my CXC (final exams to graduate from secondary school) and I would not be surprised was the main reason why I got my highest grade (a 1 but not with distinction). I felt confident about my writing when I had to but to leisurely write I did not feel that I was able to do it.

When I was in state college I was required to write a poem about a topic of my choice. I did a poem on Marijuana (which I do not use) and I loved it. It was a pro-Marijuana/Hemp poem which I felt really accomplished for and even my mom wanted a copy of it. However, life went on and I never wrote again until University when I was suffering from Home Sickness. I wrote a story and had a friend (more like close acquaintance) read it and he said it was soo predictable. At that point I just said you know what I rather not write.

I have written a few poems since then but nothing that I felt proud of or anything. Right now I have difficulties putting words together to express what I want to say. Even when I talk the words seem to not be able to form. My ability to use beautiful & colourful language, grammar structuring and even vocabulary usage is weak to me.

I was part of a Public Speaking organization (Antigua ToastMasters) and my hardest part was formulating my speeches.

So I have decided to not bother with writing. I do not get much joy out of it like others may. I rather hear other ppl read their poems and read other people's stories. I may not be able to proof read and edit efficiently but I enjoy reading works from other persons. Plus my sister puts out enough works to cover both of us.

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!