I just wanted to rant.

So... Tonight I got to the state of drunkness where I was sober enough to speak my mind and drunk enough to not care. However it seems like you must always care. One thing I learnt from a roommate of mine: Do what you want the ppl who care about it dont matter and the ppl who dont care are the ones who hang around.

I noticed when I am drunk I act like the roommate where she does what she has to do, whether it is curse someone for slightly pissing her off or just giving hugs because her spirit takes to you because you are cool. I enjoy this state of mind because you are able to sober up and step back and see differently from when you are sober.

Tonight I cried because I needed to. Tonight was the night that I needed to ball up in the fetal position and cry my eyes out. Wishing I had someone to rub my back and whisper to me that everything is fine but you just need to let these feelings out because even though you act strong you are as weak as a baby (puppy, kitten, kid). Weak!!! I dont know how to act. I always have to act the right way around certain ppl when in truth I just wanna act like me. I dont know who I am because I am not allowed to act like me. :(

Certain situations I just want to end it all. Just end it all. Whether it be dagger, pills or just liquid. Let it blur everything out until it is gone. Until I am gone.

I want to cry again. How could I feel this way. How could I feel this darkness in my soul. How can someone anyone make me feel so worthless and so ... unworthy. I am not dark enough, i am not light enough. I am not slim enough, I am not fat enough. I am not smart, artistic, unique enough. So I try. I try to be someone that I wish I was but never will be. But when I am who I am I am told to stop. I see who I want to be but I am told: NO!!! Be who I say to be even though I dont say what to be.

I am done.... they say music is the truth, well Linkin Park's Numb is what I am. I am to numb to give a shit when I am in this state. Soo numb that I dont know who I am, want to be, should be. I try to be what I wanna be but I will always be seen as wrong.

I try to let ppl in but they always want to fix me or dont even care. I just want someone to care. Please care. The thoughts of Papa Roach's Last Resort is come to mind but I know there is more. Some more. Some where. But I am not sure if here.

I. Am. Done.

OXXO

Mayeshah

Travel Insurance

When I went to Ireland for St. Paddy's day with some friends of mine while studying in Leeds, I was advised to purchase Travel Insurance. I admit anything can happen while you are abroad and in a country you have never been before but I didn't see the purpose of my having one. However, just today I was looking at a few hotels in Rhode Island (one of which was being promoted by a hotelier who taught me in JWU) and I checked out their policies. I saw a segment for Travel insurance and they mentioned that you would be able to use your travel insurance to cover your stay or the cancellation fees if anything should happen.

OHHHH.....

Now I understand what else Travel Insurance is used for and I believe that is great cause I have encountered a few persons who had to stay over in the resort that I work in because they developed an ear infection and had to stay longer. Travel Insurance probably would be able to cover the payment for that situation.

The segment on Travel Insurance on the hotel's website directed you to a website called InsureMyTrip. Upon looking at it and testing out to check out what kind of quotes are being offered it seems quite legit and gives you some great options.



So to avoid being stranded, injured or mother nature dealt you a bad hand. Make sure you purchase your Travel Insurance before you travel. Remember Murphy??? He remembers you!!!!
Photo Source

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

More Music Rock!!

 I fell in love with that group and then found out they were a Christian group and I felt quite happy cause you can have Christmas music without saying God, Jesus, Father, Son, or Holy Ghost. Some other favourites are seen below: Ok I gone now lol

Music - Alot of Videos

So I have noticed that some of my best memories have revolved around music. I can transport myself from one place to another just by listening to something. I do believe that is why I am not very into listening to music from the region. I dont get transported far enough. An example of this is when I went to visit my brother and he had to take me to work with him. I was in primary school and because I never really spent alot of time with my brother alone like that he wasn't too sure of my ability to keep still and so on. SO while he was working I was listening to my music. One song I remember listening to was Yellow by Coldplay: This song brought me to England and I just loved how it soothed me. I don't even know of I had been to England that much for it to comfort me so. There is also bands like Wheatus, Sum 41, and Blink 182 which made me feel like I was a teenager in America. I know that all Teenagers in America are not the same but this is what I understand about them.
I was really uncomfortable growing up because I always felt that I didnt blend in. While people were listening to Dancehall and Reggae, even Soca I was listening to this:

 Then when I noticed alot of persons were listening to Rap, R&B and Hip-Hop and I must admit that it is a genre that I do enjoy. Especially Floetry, Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, and Lauryn Hill:

R&B like this made me feel like I was in Brooklyn, Atlanta or the "ghetto" parts of London. My favourite which always kept me quiet was Heavy Metal which is one of the things which made me stand out from everyone else. I was a lover of Linkin Park, Papa Roach, Limp Bizkit, Disturbed. They were very dark, and that is how I felt while growing up. Evanescence and Seether were good that that and dont even forget Korn.

 DID I MENTION I AM A BIG FAN OF MARILYN MANSON!!! One group which I was very skeptical about was System of A Down because in this song they mentioned "...Angels Deserve to Die..." but then when I borrowed the album from a friend I noticed that it said "...I Cry When Angels Deserve to Die...". Songs like this had a message which to everyone means different things. This group is Armanian and some of their songs have hints of their background which I find is very interesting.

  I just wanted to get out of here. I then got away and my music kept me safe and alive. But I didnt take my escape to the best advantages that I could have had. I do remember how music has played an awesome part of my being away. When I was in RI I had gone to a few bars which had local bands, and the club scene had great music. I have also done many long walks with music serenading me. When I went to Leeds I would always have on my radio and that just kept me calm and at bay. Sometimes music depicted the type of relationships I wanted where it was alot of hanging out and chilling which occasional M.O.S. Just being comfortable with a guy with no fears of the only reason he may be interested is to get into my knickers (I do prefer this over "panty").

 Music videos do play a great deal in my enjoyment of the song. In Drive by Incubus, it is a very simple video but artistic nevertheless.

 However in The Reason, Hoobastank was way more dramatic and action based. This is truly one of my favourite videos:

Foo Fighters always did something interesting like this:

Music has played a mega role in who I am today and I dont regret most of that. Some days I dont mind listening to some tunes that blatantly state that they want sex but songs that can make me think and allow me to apply it to my situation is always my preference. Makes me comfortable with who I am. Seriously, If I were to put a song from all the bands that I love you would never leave my page (which I dont mind, I enjoy your company)but I guess you have something productive to be getting done.

 OXXO

 Mayeshah!!!

Blogathon

So it appears there is a Blogathon going on in which the resort I work for is taking part in along with other resorts on and off island. When I saw that the blogger was coming in yesterday I was like that is cool. But today, I had to find out who this person is. SOOO .. I found out the person's name and then turned to my friend Google, who was of great and immense help to me (being Google and all). I came across his blog, his twitter, Insta-gram, Pinterest, Google+ and LinkedIn. Take about the power of the internet. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA

So I first checked out the blog (Travel With a Mate) and read some of his blog posts and felt that pang of Wander-lust hit me hard. Then Checked out his Twitter and saw that he loves us. The first post I saw was "Best omelettes in Antigua they said. Very tasty! Like a big cheese sandwich made of egg!! " Which had a pic of his omelette. I must admit here has a mean ass omelette, my sister and I came here on a day pass just before I started working here and I fell in love with this place at that moment.

So I clicked the pic and couldnt get through on Insta-gram on my computer so I tried my phone which worked (I started following him of course) and saw his omelette and his room when he first came. His Google+ is quite lacking due to the face that no one ever uses Google+ anyways but all his blog posts can be found there.

He is a travel photographer which makes it real easy for him to be doing this and I think I wouldnt mind doing this one day. But as with everything you have to start somewhere.

Well he and his wife will be leaving the property tomorrow and I will be looking to see if I can see them before they leave. That would be great.

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It is now the end of the first day of the year 2014! Such a relaxing day and got some work done and sleep in. My goal for the new year is to 1. get back to good standing with everything ( financially, work, and social) and 2. We rang in the new year by going to the Sugar Ridge Resort

This was very good night. Got lots of hugs and kisses from random ppl and danced my feet raw. But a good start to a new year. There were even fireworks which made it even more special:

I hope everyone's 2014 New Year started on a great note and one the "Right Foot". HAVE A PROSPEROUS AND CRAZY GREAT NEW YEAR!!!




OXXO

Mayeshah!!!