I have noticed that I havent been in the correct mind frame lately. I have been very bitter and having other peoples opinions and judgments affect how I think. I am not sure if it is the work environment I am in but after this week vacation I noticed that I needed it badly, just to get away from that bad negative vibes. I have heard that resorts are very hard work but I was never told that I would become soo bitter.
This vacation has made me notice that the character which made me want to go into the hospitality industry was slipping quickly into an abyss of negativity. I know I have always been dangerous (as in had a hint of backstabbing) but it is getting even worst now. There are literally a handful of people who make feel normal at work. The rest I feel I have to put up a show.
I have also stopped caring. Like I am not being challenged anymore. i am not learning anything anymore. I enjoy learning. This lack of caring has gone into my personal life where I dont even care about how I look, how I keep my personal space, I dont care about going out, I hardly talk to any of my friends, I even dont care how I treat my body.
It also killed me that I have become so alienated from my mother's business. I dont know anything or anyone. Yesterday I spent a few hours there and I just wanted to cry.
This may just be hormonal depression but I dont like it.
Well my vacation is ending tomorrow. Tuesday I am going back to work and I am going to try and get back to the place or the person who I rather have taking the greater steps into the future.
I feel very numb right now!