Recently whats on my mind!

Dear Readers,

I have been back from St. Thomas for almost a week now and I just dont know what to talk about. I have been wasting time and have been feeling sick about myself. I have not completely turn back to my old ways. I am still scared. I am scared of people. I am scared of work. I am scared of friends. I am scared of getting fatter. I am scared that I wouldnt lose the weight. I am sooo effin scared. That I might not make the right choice. :( Depression is setting in.All my friends are enjoying their times off and I still feel like I am working. I go to town to stay out of the house keepers way and there is not vehicle that i can go anywhere if i do stay home. :( God. I sound pathetic. I need to work but I still havent gotten the amount of sleep that I need. I am also scared of going to get the summer job that i need to get. My ppl have confronted me about the summer job. But I am soo scared. I have never liked rejection, since i was younger. If I know there is a high possibility to get rejected I dont bother. So with the job I know I can get it but I am still scared of rejection. So I go over my cover letter for weeks to make sure that is up to par. Then I made a few ppl read it and they said it was good. Then when I was about to print it my mom read it and found so many faults. I just went back into that space where I felt incompetent and would get rejected. :'(

Now I hand it in and I hadnt gotten any response for a week and then I see the owner in the supermarket and my mom told me to talk to her and see what is going on. She said that she was going to call me but was in a meeting. and she is going to be going abroad in a few weeks so she would take me on when she comes back. Well we will talk when she comes back. GOD I am sooo scared. I want to cry my heart out right now but I know it wont change the situation. Please dont reject me or I would have to hunt you down and kill you! :)

WEll that is how I am feeling right now. I know I have a whole ton of videos to post up. They will be up soon:)

OXXO

Mayeshah!!