Well yesterday I had a mental breakdown. I felt all stressed and all pressured. I was crying from around ... 10:45am - 8:30 pm On and off. I then resorted to watching some shows on tv in the lounge while trying to comfort myself with food. Unfortunately, I had bought lots of food but didnt have the space in my stomach for it. I had bought a scotch egg (roll), a breakfast roll, and a sandwich like thing and I pint of Haagendaz Strawberry Cheesecake ICECREAM!!! I at the scotch egg (roll) and I began to eat the breakfast roll and I was half way through the breakfast roll and was like "OMG I full." I feel like a disgrace to depressed ppl. So I then decided to attack the Icecream. I was just going through it because I felt soo sad. But I just couldnt eat the hard food anymore.
Ok you are probably wondering why I was crying. Lets start from the beginning. I woke up with hopes to go into the city. Then I told my home slice Gr that i was going to the city to walk around. I then started to have doubts about going because I remembered what happened last time I tried that (the almost Panic Attack). Then I just started to cry and then I started to remember I had kept telling the girls that I wanted to go into the city and everything. And the day before I was coming back from the Gas station down the road (getting a top up for my phone) and saw them heading into the city and then because I was arranging transport to London I couldnt go. So I came back to my room and checked all of the communication devices to see if they had invited me when i was out. NOTHING. No IM, no Text, no Facebook Message! So that had gotten to me yesterday as well. Then I had texted 2 of the girls and asked her if she wanted to go to the Movies. She then told me she was going to the pub and then said "join us?" This meant that they werent planning on inviting me. But i needed some booze so i accepted. I even spoke to my cousin who hasnt spoken to us in YEARS (Anique) about the situation. And what she and Gr told me calmed me a bit. Especially the comforting results of IceCream. Then I called my gran around 6 and gave her my address for my uncles to come for me. Then at 7:30 my gran called me and told me my uncles had to work. I then started to BAWL again and I texted my sis to tell my mom to call me. I had calmed down for a short while and when my mom called I started BAWLING AGAIN!!
So I told my mom about what was happening and she told me that I can ship my stuff and then I told her about my social Problems. She basically told me the same thing Gr and Anique told me and I calmed down a bit. So I decided to go to the Laundry room to find the brochure of the shipping company I was eyeing before. Then one of the American girls (she not really American she is from Holand but she hangs with the Americans alot so i just call her American) called me over and then the other American girls were in there (another sign of exclusion) then I just started to break down again right in front of her. She brought me in to her room away from the others and basically calmed me down and I told her about my transport problems and my missing out on exploring the city. I told her I had IceCream all I needed was chocolate and she was like "oh I have that" and got me a bar of swedish chokolad(chocolate) That helped more than the IceCream anyday! Then I went out with them (still feeling abit ackward) then i saw some of the Austrlian guys that I me on the trip to North Wales. Then I felt better because they are fun to talk to. So that was my breakdown situation.
Today I just said fuck it I gonna get alot done. So I went into the city around 10 and went to the Market and got my new PURPLE and PINK suitcase. Then I came back home and packed and called the shipping company. The guy I wanted wasnt in so I left my number for him to call back. He called back and I got everything In the Clear!!! Then spoke to ma for a while and decided to go back into the city to check if my money on my food card came off. It wasnt, so I bought some souvernirs and then went to watch 2 movies (next blog). Then I was on such a high that before the movie (after I bought the ticket) I had an hour to blow. So i went into PRIMARK!!! However It sucked. Nooo good clothes. So I found a cute button down (that K might steal) and a nice shorts. Then went watched my movies. Then went home (wanted to get some booze before i went home but the bus came early) then I went in by the resident director and told her about the food card and she emailed someone and I emailed someone and ... yea. we got the same results and now I am online loafing until tomorrow YAY!!! Thanks for reading it if you actually cared to read it. This reduces the amount of my life I would have to waste telling many ppl at different times of my life. Love ya.
OXXO
Mayeshah!!
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