Update (Hopefully the final one in a while)

I feel so guilty but life has been up down and around town since last time I posted here on my faithful little blog.

I have been quite busy with work and when not busy trying to become more social ( main word trying: NCIS is still my weakness ) I am presently working at Verandah Resort and Spa. It is such a great property. The staff are easy to work with and the guest are so lovely and easy to talk to. More information would be given after I either get a good day to post up or I get a new pc!!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

The Mind

The mind is a very powerful vessel in the body. It can allow you to do anything you wants to do and then it can stop you from doing anything you want to do. Unfortunately I have the latter of the two. I get very emotional when in certain situations and may be seen as stupid for reacting to it.

I have meant to do a post recently however all kind of excuses that my mind can muster up happened. A few events have occurred which has encouraged this post to be born. My telling people something and they either shoot it down or suggest I do something which is crippling for me. After this I get a great emotional flood and have to fight off tears. I know that the persons are right for what they say but I just cant bring myself to follow through. I then hammer myself with more self hatred than I normally do.I curse myself for not bringing myself to follow the person(s) advice, I curse myself for not having anything to say because I don't understand what is really doing on in my mind, I curse myself for wanted to cry but not doing it because I will appear stupid and weak.

I know that I put myself in position but I don't try to do it. It is just something that happens. I am encouraged to start something that I enjoy and  fear interrupts first, then self doubt, then excuses, then I start to beat myself up because I am being so negative and that is where the tears come.

I disclosed some information to someone and their response had made me so uncomfortable that I began to cry (it was dark so the person was not aware of this). This pain just arises in my chest and then all these negative thought occur and it causes more physical pain than necessary. Persons say once you master the powers of your mind you can do miracles, but when you are always put down and in fear of that negativity it is hard.

I always say that I don't care what others think but it is a devil induced LIE! I am soo concerned on other persons thoughts I chose my career around it. Persons have even told me this Career is hard, and I said I can handle the hard work. What they didn't tell me was that the hard part was the fact that you had to be confident about what you do and know; and don't care what others think.

It is also said that the hardest critique is yourself. And it hurts even worst now because I am always criticizing myself and not doing anything about it because I feel like I am about to have a panic attack  when taking action.  Like my eyes jump, my chest hurt, tears come to my eyes and I just feel like dying.

However, I don't tell anyone this because I fear that I will be seen as just being mellow dramatic. That feeling is the worst, not being able to tell anyone. People just don't understand. They try and give you pointers and tips, not knowing that the issue is much worst and deeper.That whatever is going on is just a symptom of the real issue.

I have thought of meditation but the few times I have tried it even more negative thoughts come to mind. And they are the cause of all of my issues and fears. I have been put down in relations to all sort of situations that now I am too afraid to suggest anything. I would then put my health (mental and physical) at risk and when I tell anyone I am scolded and given advice on how to cure a symptom instead of the problem.

Well it seems like this is life and I either have to sit down and ride it out or try and change it. It is just am I strong enough to?

I know this would either be read and just seen as a silly rant or not read at all. But is what is going on in MY MIND. I have finished crying now and am left with a headache. I shall leave now to go and sleep and hope that I don't show signs of this tomorrow.

I was going to say more but the pain going on in my psyche is so outrageous that I shall save it for later.

OXXO

Mayeshah

De-cluttering - Cards

I do not through away things easily. One thing I would never ever throw away (until today) are birthday and Christmas cards.So I justified throwing them out if I have pics of them. Here they are, there may be more but when I find those I will do a part 2.

 This is the first of may Tare has given me :)

 See?

 My Mommy

 I think she is trying to imply something!!!

 A lady who used to work with us got me this

 My God Mother got me this, which I knew where she was!!

 Now she thinks i gonna hurt myself

 My Aunty Jim

 God mother

 I have no idea who gave me this one.

 Fam friends got me this one

These sure made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy!!! 

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

De-Cluttering - The Beginning

I have done my first decluttering session today and came across a whole ton of cool stuff. B-day, and Christmas cards, recipes, souvenirs, receipts, an alarm clock, a desk lamp, cords, and a whole ton of stuff.

I had not wanted to through away anything but I told myself that if I dont ... who knows what will happen in a few years. So I opened up the suitcase (cause that is where I store all my junk) and took out 3 bags. I went through the first bag and came across aprons and chef caps and the neck tie thingy we had to wear in the kitchen at JWU.

So, I decided all that was old and nasty and dirty and deserves to be dumped. I then decided that since it wont be as easy as that was with the other stuff I would take pictures and share them with you! So you can see what a hoarder I am!!! I also have some really cool stuff too.

So this is the beginning and I will keep you on my journey to the minimalistic life!!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Broken

I had spoken to my sister and we have figured out that one of the developmental skills you learn while grown up was absent from our lives. And now it makes me feel Broken. While this song has nothing to do with my situation. It does hit a chord with me. I have always wondered why I am soo afraid of men. However having a discussion with my sister I noticed that my interaction by guys was limited during my teen years. So one of my close (and few) guy friends tried an experiment with me to just hang out with him and he could see that I was highly uncomfortable alone with him. However as we would start talking it would be cool and I would relax. But some guys I never relax around. He had gone off to University. Now that he is gone and I see I am getting closer to the age of 25, I notice that his experiment would work however he is different from most guys. He is cool and easy to talk to (even though he would insult me once in a while). I will have to take my fear by the horns and plummet it to the ground. OXXO Mayeshah!!!

Minimalism

I have been in a very uncomfortable living condition lately. So I was talking to my brother about how bad it has gotten and he tole me it was best to move on. Then I started thinking how am I going to just up and leave everything I own and cherish. My brother must have read my mind because he sent me a few links on becoming a Minimalist. I have no idea whether I would have the will power to do this (since I am a semi-hoarder). I then read through the links and figured it seems possible. One of the links had identified an e-book which outlined 7 steps to becoming a Minimalist. So I bought it since it was just US$0.99 (couldn't pass up that deal) So I begin my journey to minimalism real soon. I had looked around my room and bathroom and wonder why I have all this junk. So much memorabilia from different places and different aspects of my life - Primary School, Secondary School, State College, JWU, LMU and other random instance I have acquired junk. I thought a bit more and figured if I took a picture of the item and maybe blogged about the item then I wouldn't need to have the physical item and would reduce the amount of clutter. Thus entering a new and improved minimalist lifestyle. So my plan is to take my time and go through my junk and deal with them accordingly. Clothes that can't fit or are our of style can be given away; shoes as well. Books that have been read could either be given to the library or sold to the bookstore. My collection of mini liquors can be drunk :), well after I blog about then and why I started collecting them. I have papers from uni and so on, those can be tossed (with my eyes closed). There are alot of items I do hoard but with time I will psychologically dis-attach myself from them. I will slowly but surely keep you posted with my journey.:) OXXO Mayeshah!!!

Old Movies : The Worst Witch

I can't believe they finally shared this movie on youtube!!! I have been searching for this movie for .... approximately 6 years!! and just a week ago a wonderful lady shared it!! It brought so much memories. I noticed that a lot of my character was built on movies like this (The Worst Witch) and the movie "The Witches". They were British films about witches and I loved them both!!!

Mildred is one of the young girls at a prestigious witch academy. She can't seem to do anything right and is picked on by classmates and teachers. The headmistress of the school, Miss Cackle, has an evil twin sister (Agatha) who plans to destroy the school. Can Mildred foil the plan before the Grand Wizard (Tim Curry) comes to the Academy for the Halloween celebration you'll never forget?!! Written by Evan Shenkman

I shall share this and try and get my own copy in case youtube is against this!! Check it out: LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS MOVIE!! Bearing in mind I love TIM CURRY and I have a wicked girly crush on Fairuza Balk!!!! OXXO Mayeshah!!

Old Movies: She-Devil

I must say this movie has gotten my high ratings because of how low a woman would go to teach her husband a lesson. He had it coming but for the amount of time that this took to be carried out and the amount of people who was incorporated into executing this, all I have to ask is it worth it? But then again at the end of the movie she got her just results and became a better person because of it! So I do believe it was worth it! This movie was not that old but the mere fact that Meryl Streep and Roseanne Barr were still lookin all cute and fresh, dont even get me started on the technology! So then again it might be that old!!! LOL!! I loved the methodological precision she had taken to breaking every aspect of his life. It also makes you think about what information you can give a person to allow them access into another persons life. It also draws the question could she have been a sociopath who could have easily brought someones life crumbling around them? But no... she was a woman scorned and then left with nothing but herself and her kids. However if a sociopath had the ability to do this he/she could, and it is scary how easy. Ok I am straying from everything. No more delays. Check out this movie: She-Devil OXXO Mayeshah!!!

Marry Me - Lucy Liu

All right, I am totally fucked up right now. This is the cutest movie I have seen in FOREVER!!!! I first saw my sister watching it... ok, I heard her LAUGHING OUT LOUD to this movie. So at one point I decided to go and see what she was watching!!! I saw a little bit which was awkward and I was hesitant to watch this!!! Then today I asked her how was the movie and she admitted it was a great movie that it went straight to tv but it was soooo cute!! SO I just watched it and OMG I WANT TO GET MARRIED NOW!!! SERIOUSLY! Why do people in the Caribbean have these situations!! Well I guess this movie is the adult version of my Mary-Kate and Ashley obsessions as a kid!!! I need to share this movie to who ever is still checking out this blog!!! Gosh I might even have to spread it far and wide on fb, tumblr, pinterest, instagram, twitter, Stumbleupon, linkedin, and obviously here on Blogger!!! OK LET ME STOP DELAYING!!! CHECK THIS OUT!!!TWO PARTS!! Approx 1.5 hrs each but well worth every minute!!! PART 1 PART 2 OXXO Mayeshah!!!

BAR CODE??

Ok I was looking through the magazine that you have been seeing pics over the past few days. I noticed that there was a bar code that has been created and it is not even friggin' bar!!!! Check these out. These are for makeup:

















OXXO

Mayeshah

OMEGA Ladymatic

I had been seeing sooo much commercials about this damn watch that when I saw it in the magazine I just had to share. The dress she has on is very nice though.

Fucking Advert!! Now I cant get this watch out of my mind. I kinda wanna put it on my wishlist even though I dont need it!!!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Shoes! OMG Shoes!!

Now I am a sucker for shoes, however I dont have much because of the size of my foot (out of the average range). I love me some heels but I never really learnt how to walk in Stillettos. I, therefore, love me high heels with thick heels or wedges. But then when it comes to flat shoes I like sandals like the third pic at the top.
I have also read that every girl should own a pair of sling back heels. That is the reason you see the 3 pics of sling backs. And boots can carry off the right outfit, whether it is shorts with a nice suede boots or a nice leather boots with a boot cut jeans, or even a nice pair of high heeled boots to go to work.

OXXO,

Mayeshah!!!

Brooklyn is in Love

I had came across this last night and was in awe by this damn show!!! I watched all the episodes and all the seasons they have available. I just hope they bring out more episodes. They haven't posted anything in a month or so and I am freaking out!!!! Check out the first season here!!! OXXO Mayeshah!!!!

Slam Poetry

I love this poem soo much!!!! Enjoy! OXXO Mayeshah!!!

Q Dream

I was looking through a magazine and saw this drink. It looks like a cream liqueur and I am a sucker for cream liqueur. Stuff like Baileys, Sangsters Rum Cream and there is a Strawberry Delight Liqueur that I love. So I am putting this in wish list.

OXXO,

Mayeshah!!!

Regina Spektor

I am having a hipster moment. I want to say "OmG, I have been listening to Regina Spektor before she became main stream!!!" However in truth she was already mainstream when I ever heard of her. She came out in 2006 with the album "Begin to Hope".

I fell in love with her sound and her words and her in general. I even bought her album, (that means that I actually like the music).

Now I saw on CNN they had an interview with her and I see she has a new album "What We Saw from the Cheap Seats". So now I am going to go out of my way and get this album and in the near future I will do a update on how good this album is, or bad (if that is possible). AND GUESS WHAT? She is Russian and left Russia when she was, like, young. 

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Assassin's Creed Meets Parkour in Real Life

FUCK YES!!!


OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Absence

I do feel really rotten for not have blogged anything in a long time. But I have been going through a mental, physical and technological crisis.

I have been having work stresses which have led me on a hunt for a new job. As well as other mental things.

Even though I am to blame for most if not all my physical issues , work didnt help much at all. I know I am the lazy type and if I am to do something I might need company. So there goes the gym along with doing cardio walking. But when I first started working I was walking alot more and I was losing weight rapidly. But with all the movement at work I ended up gaining back the weight and more. :(   So at present I am feeling all forms of pain which is a direct cause of obesity.

And now my technological issues are caused by my retarded ass computer which doesnt allow me to go on blogger.

So right now I just living life trying to stay sane and do what I have to do. I came across the quote today (it is somewhere on this post, I dont know where since I am doing this on my phone) and even though I am not religious I found it had a big and positive impact on how I feel now. I feel that I have taking a great decision and I am open to what is coming next.

So I will try hard not to be a stranger.

XOXO

Mayeshah!!!

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COVERS! (music)

I was listening to Jango.com and I came across John Mayers song Gravity. I stared to sing along but the voice wasn't what I was used to. So it clicked in my mind that I love love love this song when it is sung by Steph Jones: After a mini mental orgasm I decided to listen to another song that I liked but was originally done by someone else. I am not sure if it was a situation where Steph's voice isn't as smooth as the original but damn, my boo wasn't hitting that mental g-spot. So I went and looked up my babe Robin Thicke. Damn, he sounds soo sexy. Can I say another eargasm. DAMN: Then I saw ppl bashing on Trey Songs and how bad he sounded doing Robin's cover. However I didn't find it that bad, but like Steph, it wasnt as smooth and sexy. The moral of this display is sometime the cover can be even more sexy or even better in all aspects than the original. But then on the hand no one could ever touch the original. Another great Cover was Lisa Lavie!! OXXO Mayeshah!!!

SPECIAL TREATS!!!

My sis and I were having a conversation at the beach yesterday and I was really curious on how (and if ) I could actually accomplish this. I have been curious on the effects of marijuana but I dont want to be a pot head or anything. So I would most likely use it when making brownies or cookies! So from the videos I have seen it is all about cooking down the pot into the butter to create Cannibutter. Check out these vids and maybe when I make something I will share with you! Now I will be documenting how I feel and maybe video tape myself. I will be seeing if the effects are the same as this! Effects: DISCLAIMER: WEED IS ILLEGAL BUT AS THEY SAY YOLO!!! OXXO, Myeshah!!!

Valhalla Rising

Alright, I have a weakness for movies that kinda make you think. This sure is one. It makes you look at the Character himself. The relationship between him and the boy. The journey they encountered and the people they come across. It is very artistically done and I must say I enjoyed it. The visuals were the most captivating part of this movie.

The person who had put this up on youtube had said this (in french and I translated it)

The Silent Warrior (Valhalla Rising) is the film's mystery: the mystery of a geographic area unknown mystery of an omnipresent character on the screen which we will never know the voice, a mystery and strong invisible bond between the child and the warrior. Everything is simple and complex at the same time. Nicolas Winding Refn takes us to a deeper trance divine: repetition of still shots revealing landscapes of mountains and clear waters, mists terrifying when the future has neither shape nor texture, where visions One Eye, bleeding, a look-over and sometimes himself. The images, beautiful, punctuate a journey to hell, where nature, such as film, evolves through the figure of the circle.

Hope you enjoy!

OXXO Mayeshah!!!

Brining Poultry

Did you know you could BRINE poultry??? Yea you can. Read below:

The secret to juicy chicken and turkey is simple - brine them before cooking!

This is the secret that chefs never tell you about. It's very easy and economical, and requires no special cookware.

Brining is like a marinade, as it keeps food moist and tender. Brining or salting is a way of increasing the moisture holding capacity of meat resulting in a moister product when it is cooked. Salt changes the structure of the muscle tissue in the meat which allows it to swell and absorb water and flavorings which results in a tender turkey or chicken once cooked. Give it a try!

Turkey being brined in a large bucket.

Read more here (Source)

Who would have thunk it!!

You can use this Simple Chicken Brine recipe to make the best of your poultry:

Ingredients

• 1 gallon warm water
• 3/4 cup kosher salt
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup soy sauce
• 1/4 cup olive oil

Directions

1. Pour the warm water into a container that is twice the volume of the water. Pour in the salt, sugar, soy sauce, and olive oil. Stir until the sugar and salt have dissolved, then allow the brine to cool to room temperature.
2. To use, place chicken in the brine, cover, and refrigerate two hours for skinless breasts, 4 hours for bone-in pieces, and 4 hours to overnight for whole chickens. Drain and pat the chicken dry before cooking. One gallon of brine is enough for 6 pounds of whole chicken or bone-in chicken pieces, and up to 10 pounds of skinless, boneless chicken breasts.

  I have found out about Brining Poultry from food Network's list of Cooking secrets. This is basically a list of some of the most famous chefs on Food Network giving their cooking secrets and tips 

I have also come across this website here which has all the information you would need to know about brining Poultry. I cant wait to try this out!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Old Movies: Annie 1999

Old Movies: Kung Fu Hustle

It seems like some of my favourite movies are parodies of something. This is a parody of a Kung Fu movie and I love it sooo much. It is funny and it has great action and it is just an awesome movie!!! OXXO Mayeshah!!!

Old Movies: The Last Dragon (1985) Full Movie

This movie is the reason why I will always laugh when I hear the name LEROY!!! Whenever I hear someone say Leroy in my mind I automatically say it again sounding like Shonuff. This movie is a great Kung- Fu movie. Kinda like Kung Fu Hustle this is a movie that I can watch over and over and over again!!!


OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Old Movies: Lured

One of the most beautiful ladies of black and white films is Ms Lucille Ball. I have loved her in the famous show "I Love Lucy" and now I am utterly head over heals in love with her in this movie. At the end of the movie I was cheering and happy of the turn out. Truely an oldy to enjoy. Story line: A serial killer in London is murdering young women whom he meets through the personal columns of newpapers. He announces each of his murders to the police by sending them a cryptic poem. After a dancer disappears, the police enlist an American friend of hers, Sandra Carpenter(Lucille Ball), to answer adds in the personal columns to lure the killer. George Sanders, Lucille Ball, Charles Coburn, Boris Karloff, Cedric Hardwicke, George Zucco OXXO Mayeshah!!!

Old Movies: The Lady Vanishes (1938)

I just finished watching this movie and it was the most mind boggling and cutest movie I have seen in a long time. The character development was very well done, The plot was really good. The scenes and costumes were undeniably well done for their time!! I recommend anyone to watch this movie. ESPECIALLY if you love black and white films.

Storyline: Travellers on a trans-European train are delayed for a night due to bad weather in a small fictional country called Mandrika. The passengers cram into the small village hotel where socialite Iris Henderson meets an old governess called Miss Froy. Shortly after the journey restarts, Miss Froy disappears.

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OXXO

Mayeshah!!

Possession of Hit & Run Words

I saw this movie and was like.... this is going to be a bad ass movie. I wont say it gonna be a blockbuster, nor am I saying that it would even reach Antigua but if I ever see it showing anywhere I will sit and watch it just for the laughs. Now this one is like freaking gut wrenching, I-need-to-cry, drama, chick flick that I need in my life. Ok I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HORROR movies but sometimes in my life I will risk my mental state for something that looks quite badass like this. ...........OK I just watched the trailer again and there were some scenes that I didnt really notice like the xray, I paused it to take a good look at the xray and Now I not sure if I can handle this. If it is like Constantine I will watch it, if it is like EMILY ROSE this can go down as a movie that will never be seen. OXXO Mayeshah!!!

The Power of The Menstrual Cycle: EARTH MY BODY!

I found this quite inspiring and decided to share it through the bloggersphere!!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Conversation vs technology

My sister had put up this video as her Ted Talk Thursdays and I know that this is what is wrong with me on a social level but I have isolated myself sooo much from people that this is the only way I can communicate and feel comfortable. Check it out!! Maybe we can have a CONVERSATION about it! OXXO Mayeshah

Justin Bieber - Boyfriend

Despite the fact that he still looks like a lesbian this song is really good (like something I can hear Usher singing) and the video has in some sick ass cars & guys  and I love the girls outfits!!! Thumbs up

Rihanna - Where Have You Been

I went in with an open mind and I am happy. Great Dance song!!!

Nicki Minaj - Starships (Explicit)

Nicki has my vote as a house/techno/dance artist!!!

Movies which Caught my eye!!!

There are two movies which has caught my eye latel. The first one is The Loved Ones and it starts out like a teen flick but then it takes a 360degree  turn into a psycho terrorist kinda movie. I just love it so much. From this trailer it kinda reminds me of Funny Games.


The next one which has been a "cant wait till it comes out" movie was even more intensified after watching this trailer: The EXPENDABLES 2. Yeaaa buddy!!!


OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Hunger Games -Psychology (BOOK ONE- HUNGER GAMES)

(IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOK PLEASE SKIP THIS POST. ONLY IF YOU READ THE BOOK YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE PSYCHOLOGICAL STRUGGLES ARE FACED BY EACH CHARACTER. PLUS THERE MIGHT BE SOME SPOILERS SO I WILL GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO TURN AWAY BEFORE IT IS TOOO LATE AND YOU GET MAD AT ME)




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These are in no specific order except by book!

I have been reading the Hunger Games trilogy and everybody talks about how it depicts the world we live in and all that political and social jazz. But no one ever talks about the psychological aspect of it. As you read the first book you see all the different effects the games have on each individual in the book.There is the moment when Primrose get picked to enter the Hunger Games and the psychological trauma that hit Katniss when she heard her sister's name called. Which caused her to volunteer.

There is the culture shock of Katniss and Peeta when they leave their home to go to the Capital. Seeing people they have never seen before who are dressed way different from what they have ever witnessed. Interacting with all these people and their lifestyles. Which is obviously going to happen however it isnt as bad because they see some of it when they watch some of it on TV. But as they say seeing it and living it are two different things.

Then Katniss is eager to win the Games and get back home to her little sister which has made her show her mentor that she is serious about leaving the Games alive. This eagerness then puts her in a vulnerable spot where she has to follow all of her mentors advise whether it makes her comfortable or not.

The Capital people not paying attention so forcing her to do something drastic which puts her in a position where other contestants are even more willing to kill her.

Then entering the arena knowing that people are trying to kill her at every point. And the living conditions may not be suitable to people who are not accustomed. For people who are middle class today would die within the first week because of the severe survival conditions. However Katniss was used to that outdoorsy conditions. There were a few people who didnt survive because of mutations that they Capital has placed in the arena, the harsh conditions caused them to do items which made them easy prey for other competititors (aka tributes), they were bad thieves, or were just brutally killed by other tributes.

Katniss being given cookies by the father of the tribute from the same district. Not sure if it was a trick to make her into trusting thus her throwing away the cookies.

Katniss seeing Peeta with the group of Careers (the tributes in district 1,2 & 4) that must have really made her thing that he was really out of it and she wouldnt care if she had to kill him.

Peeta telling everyone that he has loved Katniss since she was a little girl and she never knew until just that night. So the "odds" were not in their favor.

Katniss having to work closely with Peeta, and then on the final day of training he says that he wants to train separately.

When entering the arena and seeing all the people that would have to die just to win.

Katniss looked over at Peeta and he shook his head as in to not go into the Cornocopia  and then he runs to the Cornocopia.

Befriending Rue and then watching her die in her arms. Especially since Rue reminded her of her little sister.

Noticing that Haymitch is communicating with her through the gifts.

Having to prove that she and Peeta are actually star-crossed lovers just to survive.

Encountering Thresh who saves her from Clove and spares her life because she befriended and tried to save Rue.

Seeing the Muttations torture Cato then having to put him out of his misery by killing him with a kill shot to the head.

Getting Stung by the Tracker Jacket Wasp resulting in all that crazy ass hallucinations.

Watching Peeta telling her to run because the Careers are coming back to kill her.

Finding out from Rue that Peeta has abandoned the Careers but has been gravely injured.

Finding Peeta among the rocks after they inform everyone that the districts who win both tributes will live.

After killing Cato hearing that only one victor can leave the arena.

While on the Cornocopia having Peeta severely injured by the Mutts and then he is captured by Cato which forces her to use her arrow and shoot his hand forcing Cato to let go of Peeta and fall to his torturous doom.

Listening for hours Cato being tortured by the mutts in the Cornocopia and hearing his moans without him dying.

Having Peeta try and kill himself by trying to bleed out to death.

Coming up with the plan to commit suicide so there are no victors resulting on both of them becoming Victors.

Going back to the Capital and finding out that the President and everyone isnt too pleased with that act of rebellion forcing her to play up the star-crossed lovers bit. Making it seem like she was forced to do so because she was so madly in love with Peeta that she had to save both of them.

Going back home to Gale and her family having everyone think that she and Peeta are in love when in truth she is in love with Gale.

The nightmares which come every night. That is basically PTS which after a mentally grueling experience your brain stores everything and replays it over and over. Something that you see is common among War veterans. The thought of her Killing Peeta would have probably took her over the edge and in the day and age we live in now she would probably try to kill herself.

Her relationship with her mother before and after the Games where before she had no use for her mother since when her father died her mother went into automatic lock down. Then after she was forced to open up to her mother due to her near death experiences and her present vulnerability.

So after you read the book and you witness all of these mental back and forths that she go through you understand why she is the way she is in the final book. This is also the reason why I hated the movie. The movie hardly if at all any of these psychological issues and all of these is what makes the book what it is. But then again how can you put all of that ^ in a movie and make it interesting for everyone. You can't.

Well hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Old Movies: To Sir With Love

One of my most favourite oldies is to Sir with love!!

Another Sidney Poitier movie which I saw when I was a little girl and I remembered the song by Lulu and one day I decided to look up the movie and watched it and fell all in love with him and the movie again.

I came across the entire movie on youtube as well but they are in pieces so I shall link you to part one right HERE!!!

This is a movie that I dont even have to give introduction to SO JUST ENJOY!!!!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Old Movies: Paris Blues (1961)

I had seen a gif of part of this movie and I remembered youtube would have full movies. So I checked to see if it was likely and just as I thought I found the full movie of Paris Blues.

I have always been a sucker for older movies as you can tell and I am even more a sucker for Sidney Poitier. I even know I will name one of my kids (male or female) Sydney/Sidney.

I find this movie different from the romances of today where the romances follow the same sequence all the time. While with older movies like this they dont follow a specific dynamic other than the dynamic of life. I have been coming across a lot of media pieces which enforces in my mind that life is what it is: an unpredictable chain of evens. Whether it is in your control or not. You just have to hang on for the ride and hope that you dont become (emotionally, mentally or physically) sick!

Now ENJOY!!!



OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

IMPRESS PEOPLE??

After seeing this picture I was like yea this is so true. The main reason people buy shit is to impress others.

But then I was thinking about myself and most of the things are not to impress others but to make me happy.
I enjoy standing out from the crowd (well used to) and I love being comfortable and so on. However, other things I do buy are used to distract me from other stuff.

Eg.
I look at my wardrobe and get depressed everytime i think about putting on clothes that are not my work clothes. I have gained back the weight that i lost when I first started working. So most of my clothes are either boring or cant fit me. SO I need to buy clothes that (1) will make me feel happy and (2) fit me properly. When it comes to clothes, sometimes when I accessorize I feel like I am in a different world or at least different country.

Eg. 2
I am here listening to 3 songs on repeat and (yes I know I am going to go deaf really soon) I enjoy listening to music really really loud. Then I remembered the Info Tech girl at work has a Beats  headphones (the headphones that Dr Dre invented) But she told me she got it as a gift so I decided to look it up and found out that the one she has costs around $170USD and I see why she loves it soo much. So now that I am in this numb mood I just want to drown out everything and crank the music up but my small little headphones dont go that high :( So I feel gypped. So now I am in the mood to by an imitation that I can distract myself from this feeling.

Eg. 3
I have a phone that I am satisfied with it and happy that I can do all sorts of cool things with. If my computer goes down, it would be a good substitute. I spent approx. $400USD (conversion approx. $1000EC) on this damn piece of stuff. I have made up my mind that if anything happens to this I will get a cheap ass phone and if anyone wants to reach me they can text or call me (as if anyone wants to reach me) So the purpose of buying this phone is to have other distractions from the world and I can communicate with some ppl.

So my version of the picture above is actually in relation that I want to detach myself from my present mental state. I want to feel like I am somewhere else and even someone else and I want to distract myself from what is going on around me.

I find this is an even worst condition than trying to impress people.

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Something is wrong

I have noticed that I havent been in the correct mind frame lately. I have been very bitter and having other peoples opinions and judgments affect how I think. I am not sure if it is the work environment I am in but after this week vacation I noticed that I needed it badly, just to get away from that bad negative vibes. I have heard that resorts are very hard work but I was never told that I would become soo bitter.

This vacation has made me notice that the character which made me want to go into the hospitality industry was slipping quickly into an abyss of negativity. I know I have always been dangerous (as in had a hint of backstabbing) but it is getting even worst now. There are literally a handful of people who make feel normal at work. The rest I feel I have to put up a show.

I have also stopped caring. Like I am not being challenged anymore. i am not learning anything anymore. I enjoy learning. This lack of caring has gone into my personal life where I dont even care about how I look, how I keep my personal space, I dont care about going out, I hardly talk to any of my friends, I even dont care how I treat my body.

It also killed me that I have become so alienated from my mother's business. I dont know anything or anyone. Yesterday I spent a few hours there and I just wanted to cry.

This may just be hormonal depression but I dont like it.

Well my vacation is ending tomorrow. Tuesday I am going back to work and I am going to try and get back to the place or the person who I rather have taking the greater steps into the future.

I feel very numb right now!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Gotye- Lyrics- Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra)

Not to be a troll but the first time I saw this video I was like omfg his mouth is FUCKING HUGE!!!! but then I saw other pics of him with a beard and mustache and saw he was one of those dudes who were born to wear a beard and mustache. Then I was like omg his teeth!!!! But then as I continued watching the videos I am like damn this dude is really good looking. But kinda like a good looking Vampire cause his mouth is huge and everytime he opens his mouth I am expecting to see Fangs!!!

Now to get to the music!!! I am smitten, I am listening to it for like the 6th time right now and as soon as I finish posting this I will be watching it a couple more times and then just have it playing in the back ground because I am freaking addicted to this song. It reminds me of Fun's song "We are young". Just something addictive and see this is the 7th time I am listening to it. Gosh!!! I would love to see this in concert! :(

Enjoy and try not getting tooooooooo addicted.



OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Regie Cabico - What kind of guys are attracted to me on Def Jam Poetry

Def Poetry: Phylicia Rashad- 'On Status' (Official Video)

rhapsody in blue

This takes me to another place when I listen to it!!!

OXXO

Mayeshah!!!

Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong - April in Paris.

Concerts

Man one thing I do envy the mainlanders about are their ability to go to concerts all over the place. After watching this I realized that although I dont know most of the artists that are playing there are a few great great ones which I would love to see and I suspect that the rest are the indie version of the great ones. Antigua does have their concerts (more like sound clashes) but they deal mainly with soca, reggae, calypso, and dancehall. All of which I do not follow religiously. However when I was in the states I did hear about all kinda concerts that not only happened in RI but in Boston as well during the summer. But because I am a closed minded island girl who allows her fears to control her life I came home every Summer I always miss all of these. :( Or even when they have all these live indie shows in England or the EUROVISION which even though I wouldnt understand one word 3/4 of them are singing the cool rhythm and melodies would make me happy. There are music festivals that come to the Caribbean like the St. Lucia Jazz Festival, St. Kitts Music Festival And all the islands lil shows and carnivals but it is soo expensive to go to each island that you have to either be rich or dedicated enough to go. Shit if music did this to this cool old man guess what it does to me: So I shall end with this cool A Capella OXXO Mayeshah!!!